Monday, August 29, 2011

VMA Recap and other Stuff I Wanted to Say but Didn't Need a Full Article

The VMA's were last night (no...not the VMA awards...that's redundant). I tweeted my instant reactions, but decided to give it another go now that I've had some time to reflect.

Let's start with Brother GaGa. Son/Shorty rocked a pompadour ala Bruno Mars to open the show. Initially I had no idea wtf was going on. Then he or she or...then a song was performed (which was dope...cuz it's the video MUSIC awards and such). Afterwards...I still didn't know wtf was going on. *shrug

Then they brought out Kevin Hart to NOT host. Brilliant! (sarcasm people...sarfuckingcasm). Why even have dude show up? Nah...instead of a host we got multiple cutaways of Jessie J with a fashionable cast on performing other people's hits. Someone decided that was a good idea. That same someone is what's known as an idiot.

Jay/Kanye performed Otis. It didn't suck.

Ok...Beyonce is pregnant. And her weave didn't look like something Wendy Williams rocks to the grocery store. I enjoyed it, even though it appeared that Mrs. Carter was going light on the dance steps because of the bambino. No slander here. But I hope the baby looks like here because....

Note: I'm writing from memory so if I leave something out it's because it wasn't memorable. You want something included? Write your own blog.

Next up was the incomparable (MJ is gone) Chris Brown. Dope. Entertaining. He flew. FUCKING FLEW! A couple of questions though: is he legally allowed to be in the same building with Rihanna? And...was the best part of the performance watching Jay Z NOT see it? (update: Jay Z tweeted "Chris Brown" today which either means beef over or he just put a hit out on him. Can this be confirmed? Anybody?)

Now, I'm pissed about the Amy Winehouse tribute. R. Brand did more than a serviceable job with the monologue. But one song from Bruno Mars was all MTV could muster? Adele was there. Adele.was.there. (i skipped her performance but yo...she is NICE). One song? that's a travesty. The clip of her and Tony Bennett was nice...MTV couldn't pony up a few bucks and do a digital duet like Natalie and Nat King Cole? Dripping in wack juice MTV.

For the grand finale...Drake and his double breasted shawl collared sweater introduced Lil Wayne. That's like cotton introducing bubble gum. Wayne's first song was in autotune which I'm forbidden to discuss. Moving on...he then inexplicably removed his shirt which highlighted his leopard print lycra jeggings. Fella's...father your sons (there you go Brick). I won't even go in on the pants. Leopard leotards says it all. Finishing off with a few pretend chords and gently placing the guitar down (you say he dropped it...if he did, he did it tenderly) was his closing move. No.

A few awards were handed out. Yawnsville. Although Tyler the "please don't let him be a PROcreator" should have won for "Best use of profanity in an acceptance speech while my mom goes all Evangelical in the audience and catches the holy ghost". We all know the awards portion was just filler. We watched for the performances. Some hit. Some missed. None were THAT memorable. Pretty much like MTV's "original" programming. Music TV my ass.


  1. i fuxx with u dude cuz u speak my language! well done!

  2. So well put, I am not even watching the VMA's. Hilarious!

  3. I was done with the VMA's when Chris Brown was flying all over the building. Was it just me or did it look like he was lip singing? He seemed to be more interested in dancing then singing. He needs to be a choreographer instead of a singer.