Sunday, March 18, 2012

Brain Dump Volume 4

Politicians can face the camera...they're scared of the nation

This is the real "Face the Nation" program. Except nobody will be pretending to be irate. I won't have on a suit. There will be no "hot topics". I'm a political thug.

I'm hosting this program...the sweater vest says "I mean business"
This is how normal people really discuss politics. No commercial breaks. (but u can cop that stop it B gear by clicking this link) No talking points. (I really have no idea what these blogs will look like until they're done) Just honest talk. The problem with government is simple...nobody likes to be told what to do.(I'm talking about the basic idea of government. The problem with our government is that people are bought) Ok...that's too general. MOST people don't like to be told what to do. That's why we prefer systems of government that make us feel like we're in control. (it's like real feel like you own it...but u can't REALLY do whatever you want with it...and you better pay those taxes) Consider the United States. We believe our government to be "of the people, by the people, and for the people". Well...yeah it's "of"...kinda. I mean, the people are citizens (except Obama apparently...Dumas). But are they truly "of" the people? How many Lawyers are in government by percentage? And what percentage of the general population are lawyers? "Well many lawyers study political science which makes them better suited to..." stfu. Many Republicans love Reagan...what law school did he graduate from? Dude made movies with monkeys, and, love him or hate him he was one of the most effective Presidents in the last 40 years., it's not exactly "of" the's "of" the lawyers. Is it "by" the people? Yes...if by the people means people who lived 250 years ago when our society was based on land ownership, slavery, and manifest destiny. Keeping in mind that the constitution was written during a time when only white males had rights...and keeping in mind that there are more people in this country who are NOT white males...the answer is clearly, no. It was not written by anyone who looked like me, nor any woman, latino, asian, indian, mormon, muslim, was not written by people who represent the current majority. And "for"? Do I really need to discuss why the government is not "for" people?

Fuck your constitution, B...I'm serious...
So if we don't believe our government is "of, by, and for"...and it isn't...why do we accept it? Because we don't know how to change it. We've been told forever that our way of government is the best. And based on how fast America has grown, that's a solid argument to make. However, as with most things, when something is the best, the competition studies it, makes adjustments and eventually takes over...if the leader remains stagnant. This is my primary argument against the "return to values" call made by some on the right. Not that I don't think people should have values, but if we're not evolving into something that is viable in relation to the rest of the world, we're devolving. Pick. Dammit...digressing again. Anyway, we don't know how to change it. We can feel that it's not working. Common sense tells us we're uncomfortable. Prices are rising faster than wages. Joblessness has increased. There are friction between nearly every individual group in this country. is a melting pot? Nah...more like a potluck at work where everyone is scared to eat what they didn't bring. I mean...Ned in accounting doesn't look like he's got good hygiene...I'm not eating that casserole. So...ignore those who say complaining about capitalism means you're a socialist. If I complain about my job it doesn't mean I want a new means I want things to be better at my current job. Complaining is my way of identifying the problem. Once it's identified, I take steps to improve the situation. If the problem is me, I fix me. If the problem is the way things are done, I approach the appropriate person with an action plan on how to make it better. If the problem is someone else, I tell them the shut the hell up and mind their business. Brain Dump bottom line: the writers of the constitution had as a goal "to form a more perfect union". Since that union has grown, we should be constantly trying to improve on that formation. Fear is for the suckers. Don't be a sucker.

Is this the best and the brightest????
Mitt or Rick? Ron? How did Newt get here...these are all questions people are asking if they are following the Republican primaries. I have no answers. None of the candidates is flawless. It boils down to what YOU make a priority. Mitt is stable and in the middle. Although he occasionally panders to the conservative right....Stop it B. We know he's not a conservative. His voting record is closer to Obama's than anyone else's. Voting for him as a right wing conservative is like saying "Obama isn't that bad, I just prefer Mormon's over Muslims"...not that there's anything wrong with that. Rick...conservative...definitely. But he will polarize during the general election. His views on racial profiling, abortion, gay marriage, etc. will win him votes among the conservatives, but what about the independents (you know...the people who actually decide most elections...)? Ron Paul may be the most sincere candidate we've had in years. There is almost no need to ask him a question. You know what his answer will be..political correctness be damned! But...many people OFF the internet think he's batshit crazy. As an aside...ANYone who desires the pressure of the presidency is batshit crazy to me so Dr. Paul is just like them. Dammit...digression is my weakness. Anyway, since nobody can explain Newt's existence (or the fact that he attracts and cheats on women while looking like a mini version of Jabba the Hut) I won't even discuss him...further. Brain Dump bottom line: depending on who you listen to, either Obama is in big trouble, or the Republicans have no chance. Listen to for what YOU believe in. Parties are for people who didn't have enough friends as children.

I don't feel like blogging anymore today. So I won't. Buy your tickets to my March 30 show in Va....or lose your right to vote. Buy tickets for Bodacious and Felonious Munk at Ella Fitzgerald Theater

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Brain Dump Vol 3

Trayvon Martin's killer is still free. Action for Trayvon Video ... As time goes on and more information comes out, this case sucks increasingly. After listening to the 911 tapes that were released, it's obvious that someone was screaming, and that the screaming immediately stopped after the shots were fired. Look...I wasn't there. But the response given by the authorities just doesn't match the information that's coming out. The idea that the "stand your ground law" even applies is sketchy at best. Click here to read about the "stand your ground law" Check out Conditions of Use and if you think justice needs to be served, call (321) 480-1163 and ask the state attorney why no charges have been filed. Brain Dump bottom line: a killer walks free. a child is dead. Happy St. Patrick's Day
"They really have bumper stickers that say don't Re-Nig? I'm half white!"

Speaking of...St. Patrick's Day is a unique religious experience. It is a Catholic holiday celebrating the life of the pre-eminent Irish patron Saint Patrick. For those participating in Lent it lifts the prohibitions on certain foods and alcohol. Like in most cases, when you've been denied something and then the restriction is overdose. So of course "errbody in the club gettin tipsy" tonight. Green beer and the subsequent green vomit is a staple of the holiday. Get in touch with your Irish heritage...and remember, the Brits don't really care about race, they colonized the Irish first. Brain Dump bottom line: this is the only holiday that encourages alcoholism...go Ireland!

She didn't do her kegels
Changing direction with no transitional material (thank you George Carlin for telling me it was ok)...let's talk about prostitutes. Not the ones who KNOW they are prostitutes, but the pseudo-independent women who attach a value to their vajayjay as a way of asserting their sexual independence. Let's talk about some definitions, shall we? (the question is rhetorical...of course we's MY blog...duh) The practice or occupation of engaging in sex with someone for payment is known as prostitution. Let's look at some statements from some "independent thinking" women in 2012. "No romance without finance"...loosely translated does that not mean "no sex without payment"? How about "if your phone is cut off, you must have terrible pussy"...does that mean if your phone bill is due and you don't have the money, you should give someone some pussy and they should pay your phone bill? Look, I know times have changed. Do whatever you want to with your sex life. Just don't get mad at me for using the actual definition of the word "prostitute" when I see the behavior. Suggesting that anyone give you anything in exchange for sex is prostitution. It's illegal. You criminals. And fellas "it ain't tricking if you got it" is some more bollocks (british cuss words...respect my g..entleman). Tricking is spending money on a woman with the intention of receiving some form of sexual favor in return. If you got it...and you spend it with the intention of getting're a trick...a john...a customer. These aren't my definitions, these are the dictionary definitions. Well, not of trick...that's slang, but I digress. The issue isn't really whether or not you're a prostitute or a trick. The issue is, we don't really value relationships the way we used to. Men meet women with the intention of NOT settling down. Women meet men knowing that men have little intention of settling down, so they have decided to get something in return for their time/sex other than...wasted time and subpar sex. Women with high self esteem have taken control of this fruitless ritual and are the aformentioned "independents". Men who swear they want nothing to do with these women (which reeks of latent homosexuality by the way...not that there's anything wrong with that) go out of their way to flaunt their material possessions in order to attract the attention of these independent women. This train has no destination. Brain Dump bottom line: don't play that game if you don't want to lose...and everybody loses when you play that game. Get it?

Humble yourself! Ok...everyone will disagree with this paragraph. I will write it anyway. By definition, humble is NOT a positive word. Don't take my word for it....look it up. It means to lower yourself. Not proud or arrogant (seems positive until...)...low in rank/importance/status/quality. Now...although boastful and arrogant people are annoying, most people agree that you should take pride in a job well done. If you worked hard at something and reaped the benefits of that hard work, there is no shame in that. But humble suggests that you actively downplay your success. Let's talk about happiness for just a second. Happiness comes from within (again...this is not a special munk secret...most people agree). So if happiness comes from within, you have to think highly of yourself to be happy, no? Being humble would seem to be counter to your happiness. Our nature when we do something well is to feel good about it. We're taught to cover that feeling with the cloak of humility. Why? So we don't offend those who haven't achieved. So humility isn't to make US's to make the people who are less successful happy. Oh. To those offended by the success of others, sod off (more brit cussing...i'm nice with it, b). I'm not responsible for your happiness. If seeing me win bothers you, I suggest you stop watching. Brain Dump bottom line: Humble deeeeeeeeeeeeez....

Come see me and Bo Dacious on March 30th or Leprechauns will kidnap your dog and humiliate you. Click Here for tickets

Friday, March 16, 2012

Action for Trayvon Martin

Brain Dump Volume 2

Ok...i thought this would be a once a week thing. My brain doesn't give a damn what I think. I know...I used brain and think in the same sentence in a confusing way. So? Anyway, I realized that the purpose of a brain dump was to clear your mind of backed up thoughts. Apparently my brain gets full without a schedule. So...much less than a week is volume 2

Context: I'm listening to Jay Electronica's Victory Mixtape while penning this blog. It's so good that it's caused people to become disenchanted with Erykah Badu's baby daddy. Pretty much people are mad because you haven't provided us with new music. Mad selfish son. Brain Dump bottom line: Download that Action Bronson "Blue Chips" mixtape. Don't depend on one artist for good music.

This next topic was brought to light by the following tweet:

Before you go off...

Now...because I'm a firm believer in reading the entire thread before commenting, I read it. Nothing in that thread was out of order to me. Some people reading this will say "but it said they think women are their equals". True...but a further investigation of the thread will show that she didn't mean women are due the same rights as men. She meant equal as in same. "then she should have said that"...whatever. We can spend 10 minutes debating her word choice or you can move on with your life. If I understand what you're saying then why do I care how you say it? Point is...even if SHE feels like that...that's her. But she doesn't. So let's investigate the "equal vs same" issue a little further. (feel free to call Gloria Steinem right now and complain) Part of the issue with Equal rights movements is trying to define "equal". The word "same" is indeed used in more than one of the definitions of equal (yes there are multiple definitions to words, if this is news to you...your kids are at a disadvantage). But for the sake of this blog allow me to define it so you know what I'M talking about. Let's use equal to mean valued the same. For example, I can either buy a new SUV or a new coupe for 35,000. The price (value) is equal. However, they are not the same. I can't use both to carry 7 passengers comfortably. I can't drop the top on both. (well not without a lot of augmentation...see where I'm going with this). Instead of getting pissed off at those who think differently than we do, BE equal. If you're an independent woman and you feel like you and your partner should share everything equally...bills, household chores, disciplining of children, etc...make sure you find a partner who shares those beliefs and values. If you are a woman who feels like having a man handle the finances while you handle the household responsibilities works...find you a partner who shares those beliefs and values. Neither of you are helping your cause by telling the other how screwed up her thinking is. Men are the same...some men want an independent partner and some want the stay at home mom type. A preference is a preference. Brain Dump bottom line: stop trying to force other people to respect you while you're simultaneously not respecting them. It reeks of hypocrisy...and Old Spice body spray.

I've decided to trade in my normal cuss words for British cuss words. Most people who have a problem with my language are from the states. But most people from the states have no problem with words like wanker, bollocks, balderdash, etc...(which gives credence to my argument that words themselves are not's how you take them). Anyway, because people would rather listen to hogwash delivered with flowers than something beneficial and profane, I'll use a vulcan mind trick by taking my profanity cues from my mates across the pond. Brain Dump bottom line: If you don't like my language you can sod off you bloody wanker.

Soulja boy wrote a song to aid the Stop Kony efforts. I didn't care.

starting his Munk beard
Contrast that with the story of George Clooney, his father, Martin Luther King III, and many others (including Rep. Jim Moran (D-Va) being arrested in the Sudan for protesting the blocking of of food and aid as well as the poor treatment of the people in general. I will applaud their effort and simultaneously wish someone of that stature would speak up for Trayvon Martin. Seriously, I have no problem with that type of activism. Perhaps I should find a celebrity with that type of clout and persistently ask them to get involved. I can't tell people how to prioritize though. Brain Dump bottom line: There are issues all over the world. Instead of complaining about who is doing it wrong, let's spend that time on the issues WE feel are important to us.

Only 2 weeks left until the March 30th show in VA. We did a commercial ---->

ok...brain is dumped.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Brain Dump Volume 1

I don't get to do the Stop it B videos as often as I used to. It has caused me to become something like a serial tweeter. In order to relieve myself (and your timelines) of this burden, I'll be doing a weekly brain dump in this blog. Do not expect further explanation because I'm not really good at repeating myself. I'm not gifted with the ability to say the same thing multiple times. Point is, I hate redundancy.

For those of you who caught the irony there, you will enjoy this blog. For those who didn't, your parents are disappointed. Trust me.

I'm Serious Bruh
As the week goes on I usually find multiple issues that either i find amusing, irritating, dope...or just worthy of a rant. Most days those thoughts end up on twitter (or facebook when you twitter people are being massive feminine hygiene products). From now on those thoughts will not spew forth in 140 character bursts. In fact, the first part of this brain dump will be dedicated to online strangers taking liberties with my mentions. For non twitter users, let me give you some insight. Unlike Facebook (or Myspace for those of you who still drive cars with lap belts) you don't have to "accept" someone for them to "follow" you. Anyone can follow you and the beauty is you are not obligated to follow them back. Unfortunately, they can also comment on anything you say or "mention" regardless of your interest in their opinion. Another unique feature of twitter is the "RT" or retweet which allows people to share your tweet(s) with the people who follow them but not you. Cool idea right? Well...for people like me who occasionally tweet complete thoughts that require more than 140 characters...not always. if i send 10 tweets about one subject and only 1 is RT'd you don't really get the complete understanding. This often leads to some wiseguy (not the mafia kind...the dumbass kind) jumping in my mentions explaining how much of an idiot I am. First let me make a blanket statement to those of you who respond to tweets without looking at my timeline to find context....fuck you. (too harsh? so). Now, the other side of this is...when did we start giving a portion of a fuck about what strangers think? The idea of Twitter is hilarious. "Let's follow a bunch of people we will probably never meet from all over the country and argue with them about their opinions". Now...that's not everyone's Twitter experience...but...yeah. Personally, I tweet whatever I feel like tweeting. I don't actually care about the responses. If i feel like responding i will. if i don't...i won't (kind of like how i feel about capitalizing the letter "i"). Brain Dump bottom line: If it's online it stays online. If you find yourself getting emotional about tweets you need some form of hobby that doesn't include spell cards and cloaks of invisibility. 

You probably haven't even done your taxes
Speaking of games...March Madness is here. You know, that time of year when everyone fills out a bracket even though they know damn well they've only seen maybe 3% of the games played by the teams in the tournament. Think about it...68 teams avg 32 games BEFORE the tourney. That's almost 2200 games. Just to watch 10% of those games would mean you saw 220 basketball games this season.... .... .... In other words, you're all guessing. But it's fun so...whatever. Brain Dump bottom line: Kentucky wins.

I already wrote about Kony.

Oh...I'm performing on March 30th with my mentor and fellow asshole Bo Dacious at the Downing-Gross Cultural Arts Center in Newport News Va. Tickets are available online at or you can call (757)247-8969. If you're in the area you should come. If you're not in the area the DVD will be $10. Brain Dump bottom line: if you don't come to the show NOR do you get the DVD, I hope you take a laxative and it kicks in while you're stuck in rush hour traffic in a pair of white shorts. Bitch.

Speaking of bitches (too lazy to work for the segue...sue me) Trayvon Martin's murderer is still walking around like it's ok. I decided not to include the killer's name in this blog because I don't care about making him famous. Casey Anthony didn't go to justice because of her fame. Neither did Kony. The focus should be on this 17 year old child who was murdered in cold blood. The focus should be on a police department that accepted "self-defense" as justifiable even though the kid was armed with a bag of skittles and an Arizona tea. Oh...his killer shot him. With a gun. Make THAT shit go viral. Brain Dump bottom line: a kid is dead and the killer is known. Fix that.

RIP Julius Caesar 

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

What is your issue?

Stop Kony!...? I'm sure you've seen the campaign....(insert screeching tire sounds)....yeah...i'm not going to address it. There are several blogs, articles, etc. available about the issue. Address how YOU see fit.

Dude DOES look like he's not a nice person
But the viral video phenomenon does bring to light a few points. many of us had heard of the Invisible Children organization prior to March 7th? How many had heard of Kony? That's powerful...that in just 24 THAT many people were made aware...of ANYthing. What's next? Well...for a lot of people, nothing. A couple Retweets on twitter, a couple shares on Facebook, a sad face...thataboutit.

This isn't a piece to bash those who do little..or even those who do nothing. Just some observations. Apparently Kony has been working since 1986 to make that region miserable. In this country we don't generally pay attention to foreign issues unless it DIRECTLY affects our daily lives. Now here's where the questions come in...what does it MEAN to be impacted? Does it have to cost you money? Does someone close to you have to die? Maybe you know somebody that knows somebody that knows somebody from Uganda or the Congo...or maybe you just feel badly for the people. But...what if you don't? What if you feel no connection to the situation at all...are you now a horrible person?

Stop it B. People are going through whatever they are going through. Struggling to pay bills. Raising kids. Problems at work. A sick parent. Problems in their relationships. Don't these things require their attention? This indignant bullshit "if you had a heart you'd get involved"...nah. If you do what YOU can do you won't have time to worry about what the hell i'm doing. We make light of the so-called 1st world problems, but...a problem is a problem. if you have 99 problems, whether or not a bitch is one is have 99 problems!

Do you need to be validated to do what's right? If you want to buy a bracelet and send money to it. If you want to do more research before you make a it. If you don't want to do a damn thing but smoke on the cheebiest of it*. But just like you don't want the government in your private affairs...stay the entire fuck out of mine. You sensitive as hell to the needs of others but can't respect my space? Man...get yo new age Stokely Carmichael ass out of my face and go march on Washington. Oh...yeah #StopKony ...and #StopAllTheBullshitGovernmentsThatPropUpThesePieceOfShitWarlordsThenActAppalledLater
The REAL Stokely...

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The Author...NOT under the influence

*This author does not promote the use of marijuana
*This author does not condemn the use of marijuana
*This author really does care about the use of marijuana