Friday, December 9, 2011

Suggestion Box...will remain empty

I enjoy what I do (whatever that is...) I won't call it work because the word itself conjures images of toil/struggle/sweat that are not my reality. I tell jokes. Sometimes the format is extemporaneous ranting via YouTube. Other times I hop on stage and do the most courageous thing I've ever done...stand up (crowds can be rough...and women be shopppppinnnnnnng). Still other times, I write. In all genres, I attempt to amuse and inform. Rarely one without the other, because then I wouldn't be what I am...a comedian.

Often people ask me where I stand on the issues of the day (why they ask, I've yet to find out but pays). Whether those issues be societal or political, I never mind sharing my opinion. I've written in these pages before how much I loathe the labels of Democrat/Republican/Conservative/Liberal/Centrist/Libertarian/Progressive, etc. I loathe them because they open you to hypocrisy. If I'm a conservative and believe in a liberal policy, I have two choices. I can either stick with my label and force myself to go against my own beliefs about this liberal policy, or I can be called a hypocrite (unfairly i might add) for going against my alleged conservative leanings. Fuck that. I'm a human, first. If I'm sensitive to the feelings of another human and therefore hesitate to criticize all socially liberal what?

Now I've got an interview with CNN tomorrow. Interesting. Not with Comedy Central. Not with Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert...with Don Lemon (no 'stache?). Why? Is real life so ridiculous that only a comedian can make sense of it (I guess they couldn't get Jah Rule, huh)? Are people tired of hearing the same soundbites over and over (that was rhetorical as hell B...)? Doesn't matter. I'm still a comedian. I'll be on the air. I'll answer the questions. I'll be funny. What I will NOT be, is afraid to be myself. This is where the suggestions come in. "Munk you should wear this". "Munk, make sure you show them that you're intelligent". "Munk, be careful not to let them make you look like a fool". In order...I'll wear whatever I want...I always have. Show them I'm intelligent? Is this even a concern for people? People call me an idiot everyday B. Anytime I disagree with what they think, I'm OBVIOUSLY a moron because there is no other possible explanation for me having my own thoughts...Stop It B, perhaps? And I'm definitely not concerned with anyone making me look like a fool....oh it's not impossible. But it's unimportant. I don't coon. So, if anyone takes something I say out of context, or they just don't understand...that's not my concern. Watch the videos. Read the articles. But know this...I got a lot more Frank Sinatra influenced thinking than Bernie Mac. I'll do it my way to the grave...B


Friday, November 18, 2011

Hidden Agendas and other Government Policies

Ask not what your country can do for you...but who can you screw in your country....or something like that.

Have you seen the new "anti-piracy" bill floating through congress all clandestinely and what not? The quotes are intentional. That the bill's intent is different from its title is probable. That its effects are far-reaching is definite.

Several websites have been shut down already by the Department of Homeland Security for piracy violations. Piracy is illegal. Yes. I get that. The Department of Homeland Security though? Really? And people want to discuss government waste. An entity created to protect our country from terrorist threats (don't pretend that you had even heard of a Homeland Security prior to 9/11...B? yeah you B...stop it) is now monitoring sites (mostly hip hop sites seemingly although i don't think it's an "anti-hip hop bill) looking for the nefarious international pirates who are selling unauthorized music.

Look, I know the music climate has changed. I also know that the labels are struggling with low record sales (partially because of piracy, and partially because a lot of this music does exactly what a Kirby vacuum was designed to do). But this bill is heavy handed and will impact the artists who are creating their own buzz online. Destroying the very nature of how we share and discover talent. How many of you would have heard of Drake without Myspace? Oh..."they're not targeting social networks". Gangbangers in drive by shootings aren't targeting innocent civilians, either. But how often do you see the news story about a a child caught in the cross-fire? The hype? Do NOT believe it. The bill is poorly written (surprise!) by people who wouldn't know a search engine from a diesel engine. That the creators of many of the websites with the most traffic are opposed to this bill gives you an idea of who wrote the bill. Youtube? Yeah...they could get shut down. Not because the people behind YouTube are posting illegal music, but because someone like you or me might post some copywritten material to share with others (with no intent to profit). Make no mistake, this is as much about money and lobbyist as it is about anything else.

It's also about freedom. The internet is a global community. If you come to my house and I play a CD for you, that's not piracy. If you go to my youtube page and I post that song...same thing. Now...if I sell you the song, that's illegal and I should be prosecuted. This bill prevents the latter AND the former. You're going to far, now. This is like responding to a slap with a gunshot. But hey....I guess it doesn't matter until you go to your favorite site and get that "404" message. Let's not wait until congress rapes our rights to occupy common sense (we've allowed the Patriot Act to go unchecked for a could happen). Let your congressman know that you want the government to address the budget, debt, foreign policy, jobs, and other REAL issues. SOPA? Stop it B.

P.S. for those of you who may think this is somewhat "self-serving"...perhaps. But ask yourself, would you have heard of me if it weren't for WSHH or GBTV sharing my content (without my consent mind you)? I didn't complain then because, as a new artist, I appreciated the exposure to different markets. A LOT of new artists feel that way. This bill would end that. Think about it....

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Occupy Your Own Mind

Whose fault is it!!!! We need someone to blame!!!! It’s a circular argument. There are people to blame on both sides. The occupiers don’t help their own cause with blatant violations of the law (although to some degree…their intention was to disrupt, there are many people there who intended to be a part of a peaceful protest).It’s hard to feel good about defecating on police cars (even if you’re getting pulled for going 6 miles over…bastids!) The police aren’t helping with the occasionally heavy handed aggression used to control the crowd (I’ve seen the videos of the police using their batons to force the crowd to move even though the crowd is unarmed and offering no resistance). Whose fault is it?!

There are those who say the police are using necessary means to control the crowd. There would be no violence, they say, if the occupiers (they use more disparaging terms for them) would just go and get a job and stop occupying! That ignores the issues being brought forth by OWS (it also ignores that unemployment is as high as a giraffe’s tonsils but that’s another argument). There IS massive corruption on all levels of government. Politicians aren’t listening. So the age-old method of protest was brought in to existence. Whose fault is it? It’s not the politicians who created this economic mess? It’s not the people who’ve ignored the lies coming from Washington for years, only to pay attention to the misinformation coming from the media NOW? It’s not your fault? It’s not mine?

Most of the time when people are searching for someone to blame…it’s to avoid being blamed. It’s everyone’s fault. It’s our fault for allowing two parties with the exact same agenda (to retain power for their party) to control us through smear campaigns and misinformation (and reality TV I’m borderline convinced that the government created that bullshit). It’s our fault for voting party lines and NOT our conscience. It’s our fault for treating career politicians as saviors. It’s our fault. The blood is symbolically on our hands. Many of us are just spouting the talking points we’ve heard on television from whoever our favorite celebrity political analyst is (more on that in the next paragraph). Others have taken to using childish name-calling (which we were taught to ignore before kindergarten but now use as a weapon. It’s still childish b). Whose fault is it?

How often have you thought to yourself “that guy makes a good point” when watching CNN, MSNBC, FOX or whatever? Beck, Hannity, Limbaugh, Maher, Ratigan, Matthews….their job is to draw viewers. If these guys were really the smartest people in the room…why aren’t they running? If they are the most patriotic, best informed…why aren’t they in DC making the changes they talk about on their show? The same reason I’m not running. I’m an entertainer. I remind people of that daily. Yes, I have an opinion (and I’m blessed to be in a country that allows me to state that opinion without fear of imprisonment or worse), but I have NO desire to deal with the partisan bullshit that permeates today’s politics. Nope…I’m an entertainer….and so are the guys I just mentioned. Don’t believe me? Go back and find some clips of Beck when he was a centrist host on CNN who had as a goal…taking over for Larry King. Way easier gig than he’s got now. Name a popular centrist host….I’ll wait. You can’t. You can name a host that’s less to the right/left than the ones I listed…but tension and salacious speech moves the needle. Do you think a calmly stated, profanity free rant by me would have caught Glenn Beck’s attention? Imus? What if I was a white guy in a suit with no beard? If you REALLY believe you would have even heard of me if it weren’t for my appearance and word choices, I’ve got some of that unicorn dust left for sale.
Beck to the right of me!!!!
Maher to the left of me!!!!

It’s OUR fault. If it’s important to you, go to source documents. Go to the ows website. Don’t read and then compare what you read to what the “stars” are saying. Comparing it to how you were raised. Compare it to how you raise your children. Compare it to what YOU believe. THEN act. Doesn’t mean you will agree with the movement…but you won’t sound like a clone when discussing it. OWS is flawed. The police’s response is flawed. WE are flawed. So what is the solution?

First, dismantle the political parties. Yes, that’s how it’s always been. At one point in our history, people had always thought the world was flat. At some point in our history slavery was legal. At some point in our history (at least in England) people didn’t bathe regularly. Now all of these things are considered disgusting (except for the world being flat…that’s just stupid). So…just because we’ve always had a 2 party system doesn’t mean we have to continue. Second, vote. “My vote doesn’t count anyway”…it damn sure doesn’t if you don’t cast it (sidenote: if you believe that the illuminati or other secret organization controls everything and thus your vote is irrelevant…so is reading this article. You are helpless and hopeless. Good luck on the revolution. Also…Tupac is dead. Sorry.). Third, recognize the things like race, religion, location, sex, sexual orientation, age, etc. that have been used to divide us, and turn away from anything that ends in –ism unless it’s inclusive. (everybodyism?)

This is a short list…and it’s just a start. But it’s not a policy that needs to be changed. It’s not a legislator that needs to go. It’s a MINDSET that needs to be created. Change your thinking. Change your life.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I'M POPEYE B*&%%!!!!

My name is Felonious Munk, and I'm a comedian. I know this comes as a surprise to many of you who have watched my videos. Yes, there is humor in the videos, but I often tackle very serious issues/subjects. Yet, the videos are but one area of my comedy. I perform stand up. I write satire and humor articles. I do characters, accents, and impersonations.

I am a comedian. Who Am I? At the risk of sounding self-absorbed, google me, baby. I've been reading about Donald Glover (whom I respect a lot for being unafraid to be really good at a variety of things) and it occurred to me that I may not fit into your traditional idea of "comedian". Cool. "nobody built like (me, I) designed myself". What Jay Z said there isn't (in my mind, at least) any type of statement relating to a Higher Power creating/not creating him. It's about taking responsibility for your own person.

I'm a comedian. Even when I'm not funny. The process requires that I view life logically, to determine what is illogical. Well...MY process requires it. See, that's the's MY process. It's always funny when someone argues with me about who/what I am. If you introduce yourself to me as "Johnathan", how weird would it be if I said "no, you are Muhammad. When I look at you I see a Muhammad"? Enjoy my work. Criticize my work. Hate my work. But, while I'm alive...don't define my work FOR me. Because...before I'm a comedian...I'm a man.

A man doesn't let life dictate to him. A man dictates (through his decisions and actions) what his life will be like. A man isn't limited by his past...he's motivated (and educated) by that past. I will never ACT like a man. A lion doesn't have to act like a lion.

So if you ever mistake my roar for that of a different creature...that will be your issue. I'll continue roaring. I'll continue being a man. And I'll continue being a comedian...even when I'm not funny.

P.S. You should be at Pace Univ in Manhattan for this ---> PACE HERE WE COME!!!!!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Gaddafi's Dead (allegedly)...Now....

Another one bites the dust....and another one does and another one does...another one bites the dust. Queen's song could be the dictator's anthem after a year where Middle East leaders seem to be falling faster than Congress' approval ratings.

But, is this just another diversion from our issues here at home? For 40 years, Gaddafi reigned in Libya. That he was oppressive to his own people is as much a matter of public record as is his eccentric personality. I'd like to care. I'd like to hail this as a victory for freedom and peace and all things involving unicorns and pixie dust. Unfortunately...I haven't seen any of the change here in my own country that the residents of the countries we're "helping" seem to be looking forward to enjoying.

Look, I understand that oppression anywhere is deplorable. But I've got a plank in my own eye. So forgive me if the splinter in the eye of the Middle East isn't my primary concern. Watching the Republican debates leaves me believing that the entire platform of the party is "let's get rid of Obama and figure out what to do AFTER....". The Obama camp seems to be in full circle the wagons mode. Neither is addressing the business of running the country.

But...Gaddafi is dead!! Scream it from the rooftops! Then tell me how it affects the Occupy Wall Street protests. Tell me how it impacts the polarized America that sees the protesters as either unemployed bums determined to undermine (and eventually destroy) our way of life, or a group of patriots fed up with being marginalized into a silent majority. Perhaps I was raised to simplify things to the point of understanding them. Only after getting a basic understanding do I attempt to add the layers of complexity. Maybe that's the wrong way. Maybe not. But the current discussion that includes childish name calling (from both sides), finger pointing (from both sides), and misrepresentation of the truth (from.both.sides) leads us where?

But...Gaddafi is dead!!! Yeah, I is Bin Laden. So is Saddam. Is the American Dream next? Is it still alive? I'd like to see the body before they dump it in the ocean...politics as usual..... Stop it B

Monday, October 17, 2011

Munk Debunks Myths

"You don't speak the way you look...". What does that mean? No I don't take that as disrespect. Just like "you speak so well" isn't ME. It is, however, disrespectful to the person making such an absurd statement.

That you believe my appearance is any indication of my ability to articulate my thoughts and transform them into speech is an example of YOUR preconceived notions. Why should your past experiences be disrespectful to me? If I wear a suit everyday, does that make me a professional? I worked in the car business for years and I will tell you that the suit did NOT make the man. From a very young age, most of us have heard "don't judge a book by it's cover"....and yet here you are handing down intellectual verdicts based on the tilt of my Yankee fitted. And's ME that you ask to make adjustments.

Nah...I'm good. Hip hop is violent and misogynist and filled with ignorance...except I'm hip hop. I love and respect the women in my family. I'm not alone. I've made mistakes  (like most humans), but as I've grown, my love for hip hop and it's culture hasn't diminished. In a world of people who claim to hate stereotypes and generalizations, I've been taken to task for either being "too urban" or "too white sounding". Yeah...about that...

That you've chosen a particular path (and in many cases limited your options) has no bearing on me. I can love Martin AND Malcolm. I can love Tupac AND Biggie. And i can love slang AND the queen's English. While you are critiquing my manner of speech, have you looked at the content? Often it's the same people quoting MLK jr. "not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character" who are ignoring character and focusing on apparel. Focusing on language. Focusing on your party affiliations.

If I've shown nothing, I've shown that I can't be placed in a box. Interviewers like Jay Nordlinger (National Review) have traveled to Virginia to ascertain my true political leanings, only to leave without being able to categorize. I'm not riding the fence. I'm not waffling. I'm using logic. If the conservatives say that Occupy Wall Street is a Marxist plot, I am allowed to disagree. But, that doesn't preclude me from later agreeing with their position on another issue. My skin doesn't force me to agree with everyone who shares my melanin content. If a black man shoots another black man in cold blood...should I defend him "because he's my brother"? Should I excuse his behavior because of the economic factors created by slavery, and Jim Crow laws that only in the last generation and a half have been lifted? If a white man saves a black man's life should I be forced to point out the paternal pattern of "Different Strokes" humanitarianism that Whites have engaged in throughout the years is just a product of "White guilt" and he's probably still secretly a racist?

Judge. Judge. Judge. In Christian scripture (Matt 7:1-2) it is translated "judge not, lest ye be judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall BE judged" (emphasis mine). While pointing the finger at the rich, affluent, poor, "entitled", black, white, latino, man...are you really making a difference? Golden rule quotes with bronze rule actions. I am hip hop. I am articulate. I am real. I am not your verdict....Stop it B!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Don't Believe Everything You Think?!?!

Believe nothing you hear and half of what you see. Don't believe the hype. What SHOULD we believe? If it's not our eyes or ears or even popular must be our minds, right? Unfortunately, even that is unsafe.

You ever "thought" you had met the one? That woman (or man) that you would be with for the rest of your life? I mean...not just because she was attractive. No, you could recite a list of reasons why she was your soul mate, your best friend, the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with (cue Pure Soul's "we must be in love"). So if what YOU believe is correct...where is that bitch now? I bet she surprised you. The break-up probably included the words "I never thought you would do that to me" or some variation thereof.

That's like child who never grows up enough to realize that whatever he knows is temporary. What you think today will (and should) change as your life goes on and you continue to learn. If you still believe everything you did when you were a simply wonderful your life must be (and how wonderfully simple YOU must be). Yes I thought she was the one for me...until I found out she was an alcoholic and had no desire to do anything with her life that didn't involve marijuana and night clubs. By changing my mind am I being phony? Hell no...I'm being realistic.

Speaking of real...none of us really knows what's going on. Which is why it's laughable to see people trying to convince OTHER people to think the same. Why would I trust YOUR judgement over my own? I've just given examples of how I can be wrong...what would make me think YOU can't be wrong? And yet, daily somebody loses a friend over belief. Whether religion, art, even science (keep in mind even scientists at one time thought the earth was flat) whatever you believe is possibly wrong.

Yeah I HAVE to believe SOMETHING, right? I don't. We can discuss it all. But I won't be pissed if you think differently than I do. Because it's arrogant as hell to believe that God chose me to impart all of His wisdom and not you....wait, you don't believe in God? I guess we can't be friends...
Stop it B

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

F@$% PETA, Reasonable Doubt, and other fecal matter i had on my mind...

Earlier today while debating the homeless situation with Barack Obama, Tony Blair, and other world leaders who hit me up on twitter for my opinion, I asked if animals were more important than people. All of them looked at me like I had just asked them if the WTC was brought down by a deomolition team.

No, this isn't about Mike Vick. This is about PETA self-righteous campaigning. While we have approximately 3.5 million in the United States who are homeless at any given moment...PETA is spending $29 million for research on how to save kittens and shit. No matter how you explain will not make sense to me. By the way, I'm not anti-animal, nor anti-Peta... they are a non-profit, meaning people have to donate to them for them to even have that 29 mil to spend. Until we eradicate homelessness (1.5 million of this nations homeless are children)...fuck those animals.

Reasonable Doubt was the first CD from arguably the all-around best MC in the history of hip hop. It is also what most rational people believe exists in the Troy Davis case. (read about the case here)
There are similar cases all over the country....but that's not a reason to ignore THIS case. At some point we have to stop accepting obvious miscarriages of justice to go on just because "it's not us". What if it were...would you want us to share that attitude? I guess PETA would get involved if Troy Davis were named Fluffy the Hamster, huh? Murder is criminal...even when carried out b a government organization.

By the way, big thanks to Jay Nordlinger from the National Review for coming and hanging out with me and my bum ass cameraman, Sam Rogers (he's actually really good...i just don't like him) yesterday (9/20). The interview was cool and seeing a middle-aged white guy at an all black comedy show surrounded by Black women with the thickest of buns...priceless. But you handled yourself like a pro. Thank you for letting me tell MY side of MY story.

P.S. Don't worry about whether or not the first line of this blog is get wrapped up in the wrong shit B.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Football's Back...Deal with it

Football is back!!! During the lockout, when many fans had no idea whether or not we'd have a season this year...relationships flourished. Yep...women who were non-fans anticipated having men all to themselves this fall on Sundays. They pictured Sunday mornings at church, afternoons at the museum, and evenings shared watching Basketball Wives of LA. Welp....

Look, this isn't a new phenomenon. Football Sundays (and Monday nights) have been here for my entire life. In recent years, many women have come to the realization that most men are NOT going to change their love for football, so they have come around and started watching (and liking) the game themselves. That's cool...I guess. I mean...there are very few things left that men enjoy by themselves. And yes, I agree that a woman who knows and understands sports (and looks good in a jersey) is a turn-on. But let's all acknowledge that it doesn't work the other way.

How many of you ladies want to have a discussion about the LaLa show with your significant other? Basketball Wives? Real Housewives of Whateverlocationtheyareshootingthatshowinthisseason? It's something unsettling about hearing "I don't like so and so...she thinks she's all that" in a masculine voice.

But it's deeper than TV. I blame Steve Harvey. "Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady" gave women some insight into the thought process of SOME men. It taught them "game". But it ignored the fact that we are by nature "different". As time goes on, the lines are being blurred. Women are liking what traditionally were "man things". Men are liking men...I mean...liking what women like. It's almost like there is something wrong with "thinking like a lady...and BEING a lady".

Let's say the book was called "Think like a Muslim, act like a Christian"...would a Christian take advice from a muslim? Probably not...because it's understood that fundamentally there is a different mindset...and that's fine. How about "Think like a white man, act like a black man"? No? Because it assumes that thinking like what you are is somehow not enough.

Point is back. And I'm going to watch. So you can watch with me if you want. Or you can find something else to do. Either way...don't do it because you think it'll make me feel differently about you. "I like my women friends feminine" a jersey and nothing else.

Monday, August 29, 2011

VMA Recap and other Stuff I Wanted to Say but Didn't Need a Full Article

The VMA's were last night (no...not the VMA awards...that's redundant). I tweeted my instant reactions, but decided to give it another go now that I've had some time to reflect.

Let's start with Brother GaGa. Son/Shorty rocked a pompadour ala Bruno Mars to open the show. Initially I had no idea wtf was going on. Then he or she or...then a song was performed (which was dope...cuz it's the video MUSIC awards and such). Afterwards...I still didn't know wtf was going on. *shrug

Then they brought out Kevin Hart to NOT host. Brilliant! (sarcasm people...sarfuckingcasm). Why even have dude show up? Nah...instead of a host we got multiple cutaways of Jessie J with a fashionable cast on performing other people's hits. Someone decided that was a good idea. That same someone is what's known as an idiot.

Jay/Kanye performed Otis. It didn't suck.

Ok...Beyonce is pregnant. And her weave didn't look like something Wendy Williams rocks to the grocery store. I enjoyed it, even though it appeared that Mrs. Carter was going light on the dance steps because of the bambino. No slander here. But I hope the baby looks like here because....

Note: I'm writing from memory so if I leave something out it's because it wasn't memorable. You want something included? Write your own blog.

Next up was the incomparable (MJ is gone) Chris Brown. Dope. Entertaining. He flew. FUCKING FLEW! A couple of questions though: is he legally allowed to be in the same building with Rihanna? And...was the best part of the performance watching Jay Z NOT see it? (update: Jay Z tweeted "Chris Brown" today which either means beef over or he just put a hit out on him. Can this be confirmed? Anybody?)

Now, I'm pissed about the Amy Winehouse tribute. R. Brand did more than a serviceable job with the monologue. But one song from Bruno Mars was all MTV could muster? Adele was there. Adele.was.there. (i skipped her performance but yo...she is NICE). One song? that's a travesty. The clip of her and Tony Bennett was nice...MTV couldn't pony up a few bucks and do a digital duet like Natalie and Nat King Cole? Dripping in wack juice MTV.

For the grand finale...Drake and his double breasted shawl collared sweater introduced Lil Wayne. That's like cotton introducing bubble gum. Wayne's first song was in autotune which I'm forbidden to discuss. Moving on...he then inexplicably removed his shirt which highlighted his leopard print lycra jeggings. Fella's...father your sons (there you go Brick). I won't even go in on the pants. Leopard leotards says it all. Finishing off with a few pretend chords and gently placing the guitar down (you say he dropped it...if he did, he did it tenderly) was his closing move. No.

A few awards were handed out. Yawnsville. Although Tyler the "please don't let him be a PROcreator" should have won for "Best use of profanity in an acceptance speech while my mom goes all Evangelical in the audience and catches the holy ghost". We all know the awards portion was just filler. We watched for the performances. Some hit. Some missed. None were THAT memorable. Pretty much like MTV's "original" programming. Music TV my ass.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Obama is Half-White Too... Stop being controlled by the MAN!

Let's do a few math problems, shall we?

1 White Critic + Obama = Racist

1 Black Critic + Obama = Sell Out

1 White Supporter + Obama = Liberal fool

1 Black Supporter + Obama = Racist

That math had me looking like young Wizard Rose in the above pic. This is the math of today and it's the rhetoric of failure. Which is interesting because it's not the Repuclican's rhetoric alone. It's not the Democratic's. No...the whole country has chosen sides. Childish. You can't comment either way about the president without being labeled. You support one policy? You're a terrorist. Disagree with another? David Duke loving racist. Politics is gang-banging in suits. It's college football. It's the Redskins vs. Dallas.

But this isn't for bragging rights. It's for YOUR rights. Just like football, EVERYBODY is an expert. And just like the experts on ESPN...the experts are usually wrong. The Cowboys are going to the Super Bowl...eventually. Obama is going to change the world!!!! eventually. In the meantime, my RIGHT as a citizen is to speak freely about whatsoever the hell I choose to discuss. If Barack were white, the math would look like this:

1 White Critic + White Obama = Republican hater

1 Black Critic + White Obama = Sell Out

1 White Supporter + White Obama = Liberal Fool

1 Black Supporter + White Obama = Liberal Fool

Until your math gets better...this entire conversation is like an argument between Cowboys/Redskins's loud and passionate, but in the end...everybody's a loser.

Stop it B

the Felonious Munk


Monday, June 20, 2011

Long Weiners and other Confused Ramblings

Everything isn't black or white. In most things there is some room for gray. But... how does Eddie Long still have a job and Anthony Weiner is sitting somewhere today reading through the want ads? Ok... Weiner is probably not starving. But, if sending ADULT women pictures of your penis is grounds for losing your job, even the allegation of touching a CHILD should be cause for leave without pay...right?

Explain how this makes sense? Make no mistake, I'm not a defender of Weiner's actions. He is in a position of authority and is definitely a very public figure. At the very least he's a dumb ass. But, there are many men reading this who have done the exact same thing. Doesn't make it any less stupid, but... Now Eddie Long? can't make me believe that if the accusation came from YOUR son that you would have a laissez-faire attitude about this. Four boys. Most underage. All accused him of some form of molestation or sodomy...and he still has a job? I live in a commonwealth state. There is no "out of court settlement". But I guess he got "lucky".

Even without a charge, HOW DID HIS CHURCH ALLOW HIM TO KEEP PREACHING?!?!? Blind faith is one thing, but who is going to stand up for the children? Should I believe that whatever he's done FOR the members of that church overrides what he did TO those young men? How does another Pastor (Creflo Dollar he of the $80 million yearly income...for the lawd!) defend this? Again...WHO IS GOING TO STAND UP FOR THE CHILDREN?

Where is our focus America? We're mortgaging our future by allowing our children to be preyed upon by "leaders". How do we hold a congressman accountable but not a pastor? How? When a child is involved a simple "stop it b" is insufficient. Eddie Long needs an ass whipping and a prison sentence. Or...I guess we can just wait until it's YOUR child...


Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day is for Mothers and other assorted bullshit

Happy Father's Day to ALL of the fathers out there. Today is a day to celebrate the life that you brought into the world. Thank you for all you have done and will do to enrich the lives of your child(ren) and by extension, the lives of all around you.

Now that we've gotten the salutations and such out of the way...STFU with the baby daddy slander. He wasn't shit when you were getting your walls sprayed with his baby sauce. Taking aNOTHER day out of the year to bitch and moan about your fucked up decision to procreate with this jerkoff is just a reminder that you make horrible decisions under the influence of weed, hennessy, and lust. Sit quietly. You may (or may not) be a great mother. You had a day to celebrate that. Nobody made you share YOUR special day being reminded of the many ain't shit moms out there who left their children to be raised by "big momma" or "Aunt Karen" because she was too trifling to stop partying, on drugs, chasing new dick, etc.

Today is the day for the fathers to reflect. To think about all of the ways their life has been improved by having a child. You want to effectively convince a man to do better? Then compliment the brothers who ARE doing their job. Nothing a man hates more than knowing someone is better than him at ANYTHING. You don't believe me? Next time you are out with your man, tell him how good the guy who just walked by smells. He might not say anything but please believe son will be checking for new colognes real soon. about just "keeping it 100" and telling him he stinks? Bitch know damn well he will respond by telling you about your musty vajajay and how you weren't saying he stunk when you were riding him last night.

I'm not telling you to be fake...I'm telling you to be successful. Do you REALLY want you child's father to do better or do you just want to continue bitching and playing the victim role? It's not your fault that he ain't shit. But you CAN help him be a better father. Isn't that what it's all about? Doing what's best for the child? just want to bitch...bitch...

P.S. if you know your man is violent, don't tell him that another man smells good...fuck around and get your nose broken....just sayin'

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Thursday, June 16, 2011

The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same...

Tupac Amaru Shakur would have been 40 today. Yes, I know some believe him to be still alive. That's a topic for another day. Today's topic deals with the "beef" revisited.

East vs West. Bad Boy vs Death Row. Biggie...vs...Pac. If you were around then you most certainly chose a side. I get it. Hip hop is in my blood. I'm an east coast guy born and bred. Yes, I rode with Big because I believed he had no personal knowledge of Pac being robbed. Pac felt otherwise. I loved Pac...but I thought he was being paranoid.  It didn't make me hate his music...or the west coast. How many people NEVER copped a Pac CD because he rode with the west coast? You missed some good music. How many cats don't know anything about Big because he was beefing with Pac? Your music collection suffered for the slight.

Pac and Big were friends. The "beef" was personal. Fans took it personal. I suppose that's human racism, sexism, religious discrimination, etc. Get it? Now here we are 15 years later...still arguing about who is the best. If we've been having the same argument for 15 years and neither your opinion nor mine has changed...mad breath and words are being wasted. If I feel like listening to Pac I will. If i feel like riding out to some B.I...I'll do that too. And I'll do both without concern for who is better. Because they both died. Unnecessarily. Whoever your favorite was...can you say that the others LIFE was of less value? Could you tell his mother that?

We won't debate foreign policy but we'll debate the greatness of dead rappers. It wasn't a west coast MC flying planes into the WTC. Diddy is responsible for gassing up a lot of performers, but he has nothing to do with high gas prices (take that take that). Today, I checked myself. I'm not debating biggie and pac...i'm enjoying them both. Consider it...or just keep riding for your homies...whom you never met...

Stop it B

Thursday, June 9, 2011

From the Mind of Nova Giovanni

This my brother and fellow comedian Nova Giovanni's work. Powerful, thought provoking and funny. Check him out!!!!

Green Monstars!!!!

Good music from my 757 homies... check them out!

Creflo Is On One...

We all know the story of Bishop Eddie "Under Armor" Long... accused by 4 young men of using his authority to gain sexual favors from them. Yes, the same Eddie Long who crusaded against gay marriage. The same Eddie Long who leads a mega church allegedly leading his parishoners to a closer relationship with God was leading his young male followers to a closer relationship with "the rod". Of course, it's all "alleged" because Eddie Long was able to avoid a courtroom by reaching a financial settlement with his accusers. (Bossip article

Let's ignore that he vowed to fight these allegations and clear his name. Let's ignore that and these pictures: 

At this point the court of public opinion is a bigger issue for the Under Armor unofficial spokesman. You were supposed to be "protecting our house" not inviting young men in to your house. But i digress...

Eddie Long has friends though. None other than Creflo Dollar himself has come out to support Ready Eddie.

There are a number of things that deserve a Stop It B in this video. One...calling the actions of a pedophile a "wreck" and saying "we've all had wrecks"... nah b. You are chastising the members of his church for not supporting him? Did you publicly chastise HIM for his behavior? To be clear Pastor Dollar Dollar Bill Y'all... it's worse to abandon a suspected pedophile who used his position to take advantage of his own followers...than it is to stand in the pulpit and preach hypocrisy? You are insulting my intelligence... and my intelligence says "check yourself before you riggidy wreck yourself".

Yes, everyone makes mistakes, but to pretend like the followers are somehow wrong... what about the followers who have young sons? It's more important for them to protect Pastor Pedophile than to protect their own child? You are smoking the most loud of loud packs sir. Here's an easy test...if it were YOUR son Pastor Profit...would you suggest he participate in Bishop Body by Jake's redemption tour? Stop It B.

I'm not interested in a religious debate. I understand the concept of forgiveness. I understand redemption. I also understand that Eddie Long settled out of court after being accused of statutory rape. That's not to be defended. You wanna help his parishoners? Get them the hell out of his reach. You saying he's still "annointed"... on who's authority did you receive that word? Cref... instead of Eddie Long asking what would Jesus do, he was asking young men "what dat mouf do"... and that's ok? Your motives are clear... you stated that he was your FRIEND. Support your friend... i get it. But at least PRETEND to care about the people you purport to "lead".... Nah... keep helping your homie get money. You just keeping it hood.... smh Stop it B!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Willie Lynch isn't Real... but...

By now, I'm sure most of you have heard of the Willie Lynch speech. I will not go into details about the speech, other than to say that it suggests that slaves be mentally pushed into viewing differences in skin tone, age, and sex as effective ways of controlling their behavior. I would like to mention that the speech is historically inaccurate and scholars/historians have shown it to be a hoax (see links at the end). much of a hoax as the speech appears to be, the reality... not so much.

Light skin vs Dark skin? check. Old vs Young? check! Men vs Women? CHECK MATE!!!! But wait...was it a white man 300 years ago who taught YOU to hate YOU? Skin color...I may have to accept that in a white dominant society the idea of being lighter may be socially more acceptable to some. I'll give you that one. But ONLY that one. Young people didn't speak to any white people to learn to hate older people. "Youth is wasted on the young" other words... in EVERY race, youngin's think they know every damn thing. (quote from George Bernard Shaw)

Now, men v women? I could do a million blogs/videos on the subject and would NEVER approach an understanding....not because of Lynch (who may have not even existed by the way), but because in EVERY society, men and women struggle to understand each other. You think white men and women understand each other? Didn't they write a book called "men are from mars" or some such? They are confused as hell too... just watch one episode of the Real World.

What's the point you ask? Own your own thoughts! Racism/Sexism/Classism exist...and bitching won't change that. Change YOUR life...At some point looking outside ourselves for sources/solutions to personal problems is a sign of immaturity. We've got to grow up...all of us. When we decide that we control our own thoughts...any plots, real or imagined, will be irrelevant. Or...we can just keep blaming the Man. Stop it B.

Willie Lynch speech

Scholars say it's a hoax

Monday, May 23, 2011

Who the hell are the Joneses?!

Ever heard the phrase "keeping up with the Joneses"? You know...buying or doing things to give the impression that you're doing as well as the next man. Nobody admits to doing it. Nah...everyone just HAPPENED to like Coogi, then Iceburg, then Red Monkeys, then True Religion...

Let's be real. Whoever Mr./Mrs. Jones is...they are not only fashionable, they are influential. How many guys have a closet full of jerseys (throwbacks, etc.) that the Joneses convinced you to buy and now this same Joneses ridicule you for wearing? I had thousands of dollars worth that I gave away just as the Jones family brain trust decided we should be more professional in our attire. Damn.

The tough thing about the elusive Jones family...they apparently have the money to change wardrobes WHENEVER. How many of us can say the same? I mean...I know EVERYONE is grinding, ballin, gettin paper, etc...but somebody has a car note that's late (got them J's though). Stop it B!

If money is the motive then the FIRST thing we need to learn is how to acquire it, then how to keep it...THEN how to spend it. Seems like we learned that equation out of order. It's not the Joneses fault. They don't advertise. I never received an email. Nope. Financial slavery (perpetual debt) is self-imposed. The inability to say NO!

Everyone wants the finer things in life. So if hood rich is what you want...keep spending it as fast as you get it. But complaining about your lack of money whilst wearing the most fashionable trends...I'm just have to participate in your own rescue.

Look, we'll never keep up with Mr./Mrs. Jones if we don't catch up to Mr. Bill (rent, water, electric). So until we get THAT handled and we're not one check away from broke...damn the Joneses. If I see them they are getting juxed. 

Monday, April 18, 2011

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Who am I? Who are YOU?!

A celebrity is a person who is well known or famous. Often a celebrity has a certain skill that sets them apart from others. Actors, sports players, even talentless offspring of rich folks can all be considered celebrities...and that's cool. But, nothing about that skill set makes them an expert on ANYTHING other than what they are famous for doing.

So why do we blindly accept their words and actions as gospel? Cornel West, although much less famous than Paris Hilton, is definitely more of an authority of society as a whole. Do we quote Dr. West regularly? Do we even know who he is? I'm not uncomfortable with celebrities and fame. I understand that entertainment is relaxing. I get it. What I don't get is the misguided belief that somehow by virtue of being famous, you are worthy of being followed.

Many famous people are completely oblivious to their "fans" unless they have a show, book, game, etc. to promote. Get's the American way. But most of us don't have that kind of money. So trying to dress like a millionaire makes you look ridiculous. Millionaires with neck tattoos? No biggie. You with a neck tat? I hope you can find a job.

Even worse is this belief that ONLY famous people have opinions that matter. I thought the cokehead Charlie Sheen was a lesson. no? T.I.? No? Gucci? No?  How many stars have to reveal themselves as unworthy to give advice for us to understand? Talent in one arena doesn't make you an expert in ANY other arena. Kids won't listen to parents, teachers, elders...but can quote Jay Z lyrics ad nauseum and swear they are living the same life. Newsflash...dude is not on your level. Shouting out "it's the ROC" pays you $0! If your friend gives you advice you say "who are you to tell me how to live?" Your friend KNOWS you...don't you think they have a better idea of where you are in life than Jamie Foxx? Most celebrities no longer live in neighborhoods like mine. They don't experience the same daily struggles we do. Yes, they are still human and they go through struggles...but deciding between gas and food isn't one of them. Now everybody LOOKS and ACTS like someone famous...without the perks. I guess it makes patterned your life after an actor...keep acting. #stopitb

Friday, April 15, 2011

That's What You Think

Have you ever heard "he/she thinks he/she is special" or some variation of that phrase? Have you noticed the subject of that statement NEVER does or says anything to garner any attention? 

Where does that come from? "you think you're all that!" no I don't...YOU think I'm all that. I did nothing more than walk in the room. "oh because you got a new job you special?" apparently YOU think so. 

Do you hear yourself? Jealousy is your favorite color. Wear it with pride. People who achieve are generally focused on achieving. Are some of them self-absorbed jerkoffs? Of course. But when you view your former peers as "acting brand new" because they are moving on to bigger and better things...ask yourself, have they changed...or are you just a bitter bitch (regardless of gender)?

This goes to my second people change when they acquire wealth? Yes! They have to. If you were making 30k and now you're making 100k do you live in the same neighborhood? Shop in the same stores? Vacation in the same places? Maybe, but most people see money as giving them the freedom to try new things. Grow. Live. It doesn't mean they think they are better...but yes, they are different. 

You a little emotional? Good. Get off your ass and DO something about it. Instead of being the jealous asshole...become the subject. Then YOU can be "special" least that's what YOU think...#stopitb

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Oh, Fuck Me?

Dear Nova,

Hello Son,

First of all, interesting that you would compare my behavior to that of your father...we have much in common. In the beginning we both thought we had met the perfect woman. Your father met your mother...and I met the American people. I don't know what happened with YOUR parents...but let me tell you about THIS bitch America.

Yes I made promises. I promised to bring the troops home. I promised health care. I promised to close Guantanamo Bay. Welp....we're out of Iraq. Yes we're still in Afghanistan...but so is Bin Laden smartass. You want me to ignore that guy huh? Or did you just conveniently forget about him? Health Care? Fuck You, Nova Giovanni. Fuck you for not voting in the congressional elections, leaving me a Republican dominated congress hell bent on destroying everything I do. I'm fighting a war with no support and you're popping shit. We're lightskinned...thought we were supposed to stick together. By the way, Guantanamo bay? Yeah I tried closing that...congress blocked me. Vote next time asshole. 

Gas is high? Really? Gas was $4.50 when Bush was in the entire middle east is in chaos ( guess I'm nastrodamus and should have seen it coming) and it's my fault? Man kiss my ass Nova...kiss my ass.

Yes I'm on TV. I don't run and hide. And yes we're sending aid to Japan...we have a base there too wise guy. You DID know China is considered a world power right? Guess I should say forget about national security huh?

The American people SAID they wanted change...but what have YOU changed except your expectations. Get involved. Vote. Start a business. But stop whining like a little bitch. Help a brother the way, Michelle said fuck you.

Hope this response finds you in the best of health, and good luck in your future endeavors.

Sincerely yours,

President Barack Obama


Monday, April 4, 2011

Politics as Usual

"My President is black!". Probably the most often repeated phrase in the black community since November 2008. But what exactly does that MEAN?

Thoughts of a shift in the paradigm were everywhere entering 2009. A black president certainly must mean that African-Americans everywhere would see their quality of life improve, right? Did it? Barack Obama was expected to undue, not only 8 years of George Bush's policies, but also 400 years of physical and mental captivity.

Who the hell did y'all think dude was? He's a politician. He was then, and he is now. That's not necessarily a bad thing. But to expect him to do things for you that you weren't willing to do for self? Please get the fuck all the way up out of here!

Black people let's do ourselves ONE favor...stop saying that the mental effects of slavery and Jim Crow somehow prevent our advancement. That's nigga thinking. We are better than that. If it's been rainy for 10 days I don't need a reminder to carry an umbrella. And if I know the choices I make will effect my quality of living...I don't need a black president to remind me to pay my bills before I go to the club.

Politicians have a job to do. And if I'm a politician with an entire country to run (and a re-election to consider) why would I cater to 12% of the population while pissing off the other 88? Stop it B. Stop thinking with your heart and learn some reasoning skills.

And we're not even asking for the real shit we need. School funding, job creation? Nah cats talking about legalizing weed. Stand down moron. Educate yourself on the political system and you will realize that Obama is what every President before him has been...a politician. Spend some time learning Obama's policies instead of Jeezy's lyrics. Because, unless your Lambo is blue...that song doesn't apply to your ass anyway. Stop it B!

The Thirst is Real…(unfunny version)

Times Have changed. Reality is now relative and subject to change at a moments notice. When a man/woman can no longer be him/herself….
Forced falsehood. A horrible concept that IS the new reality. In order for you to survive you have to lie…or do you? The thirsty people have completely changed the way people think. Women are not honest with themselves and feed off attention. Dudes believe that women only care about money so they will do whatever to get it…or pretend to get it. What happened to being yourself? If you are a man working a 9 to 5…why are you pretending to be a baller? Because of the thirst. If you are a woman, and you look in the mirror and KNOW you can be better…why don’t you? Because of the thirst.

The thirst gives women a pass. Their appearance/hygiene/intellect…all irrelevant if her assets are in order. And men? “stunting is a habit” and “it ain’t tricking if you got it” are the mantras of the day. Except…you DON’T “got it”. We’re doing each other a disservice with the lowering of standards based on sex/money. You will call ANY woman gorgeous for a shot-o-twat. And ladies you will accept any treatment (including physical abuse, cheating, etc) as long as you’re getting that new bag and those red bottoms.
I call bullshit. We are a nation of people distrustful of the opposite sex. And that distrust stems from the inherent knowledge that men/women will lie to get what they want. Don’t believe me? Watch a guy try to get a woman’s number and get rejected. His response is often “bitch you ain’t all that”. If she “ain’t all that” why did you pursue her in the first place? Same goes for women…when the dude you are interested in mistreats you, you go straight to “yo broke ass”. Really? Was he broke when you met him?

Learn to be yourself (damn shame you need to LEARN that) and maybe then we can get away from all of this “men/women ain’t shit” talk. Or just keep being thirsty and wasting the world’s time…#stopitb

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Why "Stop it B"?

For those who are familiar with the Stop it B web series, this is the companion blog. Welcome. For those who are not you live under a rock? Check them out here ...but I digress.

How did I get the idea for Stop it B? There is a video circulating on YouTube (search "Munk's advice to local rappers") that was moderately popular in the 757 area code. I was then introduced to Samuel Rogers by my friend Tara Lynn (pictures of her will be posted here soon). Sam was interested in turning the video into a series. You have to understand, Sam has shot videos for established artists and it was dope. Within two weeks I was in the studio filming "no homo" and "sink models".

With each video there is a story and I will give you the back story using this blog (until my site is complete). Follow this blog for updates on video releases, as well as my schedule...could be coming to your town soon.

F. Munk (Guerilla Esq)