Thursday, September 20, 2012

Stop It B: The Series

Earlier today I posted a video asking for your help. As many of you may already know, I do a web series called "Stop It B" discussing everything from pop culture to politics. Samuel Rogers (who produced the original videos) and I have decided it's time to take the concept beyond the short monologue/rant format and turn it into a fully fleshed out show. (here's the video link) Stop It B

Loud and Rational!

Some of you are hesitant to donate, and I understand. I'm not interested in taking advantage of you, or lining my pockets with your money. The goal is to generate enough capital to build a basic set, add additional lighting and cameramen, and film at multiple locations including a studio. In the long run, we hope to have the show available on hulu or netflix. In order to do that, we could continue pitching ideas to the studios (and yes, I've had meetings about hosting my own show...still in the works), wait for someone to "discover" the show, OR... WE can do it ourselves, with your help.

One of my fears from the very beginning has been that someone would attempt to change what we do. I've had offers from various political groups for decent sums of money to endorse certain candidates, or help them reach a certain "demographic" with their platform. I'm not interested in pitching anyone's platform. I've never taken a party's rhetoric as my own. Plus, I want to be able to discuss things outside of the political arena, without fear of losing the support of the "network". The only way to maintain that sort of for US to do it on our own.

I don't have A LOT of daily viewers...maybe 2-3k. However, if each one of those 2-3k donated even a small amount, we could give you a show with the same quality as what you see on TV, with fewer commercials AND less bullshit. I posted my paypal on the video and I'll post it again here. If you can support, great! If not, I still appreciate you watching and supporting by telling your friends about it. Thank you for your time.

Stop It B: Needs Your Help

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Snitches get Stitches...and Other Relationship Advice

Nothing is safe from hyperbole. Every year something is proclaimed as the greatest ever. Some tragedy is the worst in history. Someone's beard is doper than mine (the most obvious beard is THE standard for luxurious beards). See how easy it is?

But there's a subculture of bullshit that has grown from the hyperbolic age we live in. It's what's known in some parts as..."the Reach". I used to think that people had horrible critical thinking skills coupled with an inability to comprehend. I used to think that, and I still do, also. But that's too wordy. It also doesn't quite capture the phenomenon of taking a simple, straightforward statement and extrapolating all types of misery from it based on years of watching the infallible Dr. Phil. Two points a statement is just a statement...two: fuck Dr. Phil.

People be reaching everyday, b
Examples of this behavior are found everywhere. Even body language is examined ad nauseam by doctors with less credentials than Oprah's favorite unlicensed psycho...logist (and yes...Phil DOES actually have a doctorate in psychology). Then seemingly profound statements are made by the worlds least profound mother fuckers. On a personal level, every video i put out, some brilliant person inboxes me with "it's obvious you're unemployed, sitting on youtube trying to become famous". Those inbox messages get a huge WPIX...where i front of the the countries largest market. Either there's another definition for "obvious" and "unemployed"...or you're reaching, cat daddy.

The communication breakdown between men and women can also be attributed to "the Reach". When a woman says she wants to be independent, ask her to define it in HER terms. Don't just "reach" out there and say "man, these women want me to bow down. All these independent women are the reason for so many single parent homes". Mr. Fantastic couldn't reach that conclusion. Or how about men who say they prefer their privacy becoming "oh he doesn't want anyone to know about you". Hey there Stretch Armstrong, there is a difference between keeping irrelevant people out of your day to day lives and being deceitful.

But the most fertile grounds for the Reach Gawds are on social networks. Where assumptions reign and debates without evidence flourish. A woman has a picture up in a bathing suit? Attention whore. A man compliments a woman? Thirsty. You're feminist? Lesbian. A man defending feminism? Lesbian...wait.... Look, we don't know each other. I don't know your background and you know mine. Ask if you don't know. And if you ask me a leading question like "so you're trying to say..." I will ignore you with extreme prejudice. 

Stretch Armstrong ain't a hero on these here innawebs
In the age of hyperbole, everything is blown out of proportion. Especially our egos. No matter what the truth is...we KNOW better than you...about you. In a world with fewer and fewer personal relationships that extend beyond texting, tweeting, or inboxing...people are more and more confident in their ability to read people. And less and less accurate. People don't trust each other as a rule in 2012. It's sad too, because you can tear your rotator cuff with all of that reaching.  (Side note: if you know which joke was influenced by the late, great Mitch're a comedy nerd). Peace.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Niggers, Crackers, and other Unsavory Types

It was a simple enough question. "Are white people offended by 'nigger', or embarrassed?". I specified that I did not want answers from non-white people. I mean...people struggle to think/speak for the hell can they speak for anyone else? (put a pin in that thought...i'm coming back to it). So the poll came up with about 30 different answers ranging from "the word is just a word" to "I'm appalled when ANYONE of ANY race uses it".

Somewhere mixed in there was the question of Black people using the word and it being a double standard that white people can't. Dammit. I thought this had been addressed. But fuck it, let's address it again. (side note: if you're open enough to read a blog about "nigger" and the word "fuck" offends you...tell your captor to remove the gun from your head that's forcing you to read this...with your Ozzie and Harriet ass).

Let's be clear...all words are just words. Some words come with historical uses that make them less than positive. Others are viewed negatively, because they associate a behavior with a group, even when used by people not in that group ("faggot" is used to "accuse" a straight person of acting like a homosexual by some). I've even been told by a self-described feminist that using "pussy" to denote weak behavior is demeaning to the vagina (which I love...I'm sorry vagina...I never meant to hurt you). So, even though I personally believe words are just words, I'm aware that they impact people...sometimes profoundly.

How does nigger fit in this equation? Well...nigger (i'm not distinguishing between the various endings) has been used historically to refer negatively to people of color by white people. It's still used by some white people for the same reason. It's also used as a term of endearment in general conversation by black people (yes, i go back and forth between capitalizing Black/black...because I'm not convinced that it's supposed to be capitalized like Moroccan, Mexican, or Munk...). That's where the problem comes in. Some white people are outraged that we use it and they can't. "I's a horrible don't hear us calling ourselves's a double standard". Namaste, my melanin deficient homies.

I won't wax poetic about "taking the word back and owning it". Nor will I use the recently minted acronyms like Never Ignorant Getting Goals Accomplished. But let's be can't say it openly if you're not black. Why? The simple answer is...we don't know your intentions (and you might get your head cracked open). You may be a true believer in post-racialism (or the myth of...) but I don't know you. Your wife may be black...all of your friends (especially some of your best friends) but...there is an inherent distrust that comes with being a minority group. I can hear the cries of "oppressed how" coming from those who don't know what it's like even in 2012 to be viewed as a nigger, faggot, wetback, etc...shhhhh...sit your paternalistic ass down for a second and recognize that this isn't a debate that you should control. I asked white people how they felt for a reason...I honestly wanted to know, from them, how they felt when they heard the word. I, infamously, did a comedy rant about the use of "real nigga" that went semi viral (160k views between wshh/youtube). In the video I suggested that black people use real MAN in place of real nigga when referring to themselves. With that said, when I hear the word from a black person, it doesn't bother me. You know why? Because i KNOW their intent. For some that reeks of hypocrisy. For me, it reeks of reality.

Reality is...I've used the word "faggot" before. I've even used it in my standup. If a gay person tells me it offends them, I can accept that. It's offensive to them because, in their words, "it's been used as a form of hate speech for years". Some have been attacked physically while their attacker hurled the word as a form of salt to pour in the wound. I've also heard gay men refer to each other as "bitch". Point is, if I choose to continue using the word, I'm using it with the understanding that some people will be offended. There is no double standard. People are policing their communities. How many of us are running up on Asian people in Chinatown and telling them it's a double standard that they can refer to their whole area as Chinatown when  all of it's residents aren't Chinese? Exactly. There's an inherent paternalism that will be fought against whenever a privileged group attempts to dictate to a marginalized group.

One day I'd love to see people viewed as people. Today isn't that day. In the meantime, Black people have to be the ones to police themselves. Get out of your feelings. Oh...and stop pretending like cracker really hurts your feelings. As the very brilliant comedian, Louis CK, quipped "oh're taking me back to a time where I owned people and property". Stop It can't commit the crime AND choose your sentence. If you think it's a dirty word...don't use it. If it doesn't bother you...use it. If some black dude splits your head open...tell him he's being a hypocrite.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Stop And Frisk? Stop And Think, First

Hi, my name is Dennis. You may know me as Felonious Munk, comedian and contributor to WPIX11 5 o'clock news. I'm pretty easy to vet. "Google me, baby". I'm on TV in the largest market in this country...but apparently I look like a criminal.

Yes, I have a full, flourishing, lumberjack beard. That's what you would call it if I was a white guy from the mountains. Uncle Jessie from the Dukes of Hazard had one, too. Never would anyone ask them if they were terrorists. I also wear my Yankees cap backwards. I've worn it that way for 20+ years (much to my mother's chagrin). There's a simple reason...I have a small cranium and based on size and shape, the hat fits better. Plus it's MY hat. I also wear jeans and graphic tees (often with a zip up hoodie) on the news. Oddly enough, people question that. As if by virtue of a suit and tie, you become more qualified.

I'm fully aware of society's rules. I recognize that some believe that in a professional setting you should be clean shaven. You should wear a suit. And if you're going to wear a hat, dammit, turn it forward! Most of those same people can complete this sentence: don't judge a book by its _ _ _ _ _. Dr. King hoped for a day when the content of a man's character trumped skin color. I have no such dreams that people will one day stop judging me by what I wear.

A few years ago, I unplugged. Decided to ignore society's bogus rules on acceptability. Stopped caring what the newest shoe was. Stopped attempting to appear like I was living the American Dream. Started living MY dream. Happiness ensued! Imagine concerning myself with bettering my life, and not with what people would think, I actually became successful (inasmuch as success = happy). But I digress. My point? My character, work ethic, and visibility don't prevent me from being more likely to be stopped and frisked "randomly" by the NYPD. Because I'm not white.

The statistics show overwhelmingly, that more Black & Latino youth are a staggering majority. Before you quote the crime statistics, consider this: I'm a citizen. I'm not a criminal. I pay my share of taxes that help pay the salaries of the NYPD. Many who support the stop and frisk policy don't consider themselves to be racist. They may not be...but can they please explain to me why I SHOULDN'T feel outrage at a policy that singles me out as more likely to be a criminal than they are?

I don't have a racial chip on my shoulder. But, if I could it not be justified? Again, all things being equal (and they are) I'm more likely to be stopped and frisked than my white co-workers. The Tea Party sprang up as an answer to the rights of law abiding citizens being infringed upon. You want people to stop calling you racist? Stand up for the rights of the young non-white men in NYC. (nah...I don't believe in unicorns either). Regardless of your intellectually dishonest choice of words to justify this policy, it remains at its core, racist. It is a civil rights violation. It's a hate-crime. I worked my ass off to be happy...just to be reminded that you fear me. Guess're the real scary one. NYPD, protect and serve by the law...or accept that YOU created the distrust in the brown/black communities. But, I guess Bloomberg is too busy addressing super-sized sodas to worry about people's rights, huh? STOP IT B!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Privacy Act is Irrelevant

A lot of people are up in arms about the governments intrusions on their rights. Ok, maybe not a lot of people, but some people...who read papers and blogs and shit. The Patriot Act, the most recent NDAA, the proposed CISPA (look them up, this isn't google) have all blatantly infringed on our rights in the name of "safety". But the most sinister threat to your privacy is...your talkative ass!
you talk too much...listen to Pastor Gitmo

Yes you with your full disclosure for no reason self! Pictures posted on facebook with locations and people tagged (with or without their permission...tag me and i'll punch your face off). Tweets about everything you've done in your past. Your likes and dislikes. Who you're dating. Subtweets to your mistress. DM's soliciting sex (and including nudes). Then act shocked and amazed when those things you posted on the internet...freely...are shared with the world. They don't need a privacy act to tap our phones. Half of you don't make phone calls anyway. Tap those texts. All they need to do is wait for the person on the receiving end to get mad at you one day and start posting those screen caps.

Most of the time the people you are talking to online are complete strangers (stranger danger...i need a rape whistle for you weirdos). You know their screen name and you've seen some posted pictures...but you don't know them. And you're comfortable sharing your intimate secrets to strangers? As kids we were taught "never talk to strangers". Some of you didn't get that lesson. How many secrets do you need to see "exposed" before you realize this is a bad idea? They used to say "discretion is the better part of valor"...look up discretion. It's not about being sneaking, it's the ability to keep a secret, and not offend with speech. If you can't keep your own secrets, I know damn well you can't keep mine. Knowing that...I'm not telling you jack...jack.

Call me old fashioned. Call me sneaky. Call me Big Poppa (i love it when you call me that). But, you won't see me spending unnecessary time defending my actions to strangers. No drama my ass. You invite drama with the looseness of your lips (and STD's...think about it). Me? I'm just over here writing these hot vibrator jokes. Be easy...

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Perception is...perception

It's a commonly held belief that "perception is reality". But commonly held doesn't mean correct.(Side note: I'm listening to the Essential Thelonious Monk album while penning this prose...thought u should know). First let's define the two words.Perception is the act or faculty of apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition; understanding. Reality is the state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or might be imagined. Got it.Perception is how you see it. Reality is how it is.

Seems simple enough. So why would anyone want you to think otherwise. Well let's start with the god complex as it exists throughout the west. We are the ultimate authority on everything.We view the world through our lens and those who differ are savages at best and haters of freedom at worst. much as we complain about the problems in this country, most of which are our fault, every other system is shit. We can't be wrong. And since the only infallible being in life, literature, imagination is God...yep...we must think we're the Creator. It's not just arrogantly thinking we're right. It's an attempt to control minds. Less than 40% of us have passports (117,014,020 as of January 2012) So60+% of us only know about other countries through hearsay. TV is hearsay. You weren't there. But let's go further, polls show that 84% of Americans (89% of Republicans) think America is the greatest country on earth. Go back and look at the passport stat again. Let's assume that everyone with a passport has traveled to every country in the world. That means half the people speaking have no direct knowledge. And yet...we fight wars to protect our way of life....or our perception of that way.

Another reason we like to continue this garbage way of thinking's good for business. "Clothes make the man". Certain clothes give you the appearance of success. Certain cars. Now, to be clear, buying good quality clothes is cool. Paying for quality isn't the same as paying for a brand though. But the commercials will make you think your life is incomplete without the newest shoe, jeans, purse....Stop it B indeed. We're no longer in control of our own minds. What makes you a good person? I can assure you it's not"things"...and yet, that's the perception. Ladies, how many times have you walked past the plain guy and went for the guy with the nice “things”.Men, how many times have you ignored the plain woman because you were looking at the “things”. It’s perception. Men who have nice things “appear” to be successful. He might have bad credit and be living with his mother. She has a beautiful body but low self esteem. But the perception is reality. He’s successful and she’s beautiful….and the divorce rate is 50%

Look, people used to perceive the earth as flat. It wasn’t. But the perception that it was flat kept people from traveling beyond where they could see for fear of falling off the edge of the world. Same thing is going on today. The government and the media know that we don’t research beyond what we can perceive. No new trails blazed. Let’s stop Kony, fight terrorism, and fight the war on drugs…and ignore that Kony is US funded (as is the Ugandan government), we’re fighting Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan (while they use our weapons) but fighting side by side with Al-Qaeda in Libya, and the drugs come in through US ports (and have for years).Perception. Reality. Not the same. Believe what you will, but that doesn’t make it true.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Help Munk Raise His Sons

There are several movements out there regarding raising your children. My man Brick James' movement immediately comes to mind. The Bearded Brother suggests (emphatically) that you should "father your sons". Yep. You should. It definitely takes a man to teach a boy how to become a man. But what of the boys who have no fathers? Who will father our lost sons?

Where is Mufasa when you need him?
I volunteer! They say it takes a village to raise a child. I'm a villager. Some of my sons have reached the legal age of maturity and never got "snatched up by their pops"...I'm snatching em up. If you reached adulthood as a male and you still believe your manhood is in anyway attached to your need a father. If you believe that what you wear/drive/drink is in any way relevant to your need a father. If you're looking for chaste women while putting your condomless baby maker in some random chick you met at the club last night....let me raise you my sons!

Don't fight me on this one my sons. I know if feels "beneath you" to approach another man for advice on being a man...but the first thing you need to accept're not yet a man. Let's take the previous paragraph's points in order.

Somebody needs to whip my sons into shape...probably not this guy tho
If you brag on your dick...whether in public or in private (whether true or false...yeah dudes are still lying on their dicks) you're not a man. As a man I'm not concerned with who you sleep with. So the only reason you would tell me is...?!?! Yeah, serves no point. Unless I'm asking a friend if he slept with so and so because I'm interested in her, there's no reason whatsoever for you to discuss the previous resting places of your semen dispenser. Plus, bragging on your conquests is a sign that you're not secure and you're seeking my approval...let me raise you my sons!

Now, I know that money is a necessity. Food clothing and shelter require money. And there is definitely nothing wrong with liking nice things. I enjoy nice locations, with nice views, while wearing quality fabrics, and sipping something that quenches my thirst. But....without those things, MY value isn't diminished. Handling your obligations before splurging makes you a man. Telling me about the bottles you popped, or how man pairs of sneakers you own means nothing if you're still going to court for back child support and your cell phone goes off every other month. You could be the freshest dude in the club...but if you're not paying your bills....yeah...come to me my sons...let me learn you something!

The last point was placed intentionally because most people remember the last thing they read. How we view/treat women is amazing to me. Amazing because most of us KNOW who our mothers are. How did we come up with these rules for dating that basically make us blameless for the success/failure of a relationship and placing the burden solely on the woman? Guys have amazing requirements. She needs to have a low body count (for the uninitiated that means she hasn't fucked much prior to meeting you), can't smoke, go to the club, flirt mother fuckers are looking for a 16 year old. Look, I have no idea what it's like to be a woman. I'm not trying to think like a woman. But I'm also not asking a woman to ignore my past while I hold her accountable for every bad decision she made. I'm looking for someone that makes my day easier. Someone supportive who respects my goals and desires....someone I can build with. Her past may have prepared her to be that person...just like the lessons I learned in MY past made me the man I am today. If you are looking for the virgin Mary, shouldn't you be Joseph? My sons...don't be a grown ass kid. Man up time is now. Hate me for being honest..but I know...deep down inside you hate yourself more.

P.S. I'm cool if you ignore this advice...your girl didn't....

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Easter Sunday!!!! and it's ALL Jesus' fault!

It's Easter Sunday. For those who celebrate Easter, I hope you had a wonderful day. For those who don't...I hope you had a wonderful day. Pretty simple concept. Whatever you do...enjoy it.

Is it this?...............................Or this? (does it matter?)
Of course, this day like all other Christian holidays, was filled with the type of intolerance that leads to...hatred. "Do you know the history of Easter?"..."You must be an idiot if you think rabbits lay chocolate eggs"..."Jesus doesn't care about your dress" Tolerance doesn't mean agreement. It's always a mistake to assume that people that don't live the way you live must not know what you know. "If you knew better, you'd do better"...wrong. Just because some bullshit rhymes doesn't make it accurate. We all know the speed limit, yet most people still speed. It's not a lack of knowledge. In life, people make choices. People make decisions. A LOT of things people do, are not things I would do. doesn't change my life. Jokes are jokes. But disrespecting another person's beliefs is not only unnecessary, but also demeans YOU. If your way of life is superior, then it should improve you as a person, no? If their faith doesn't infringe on YOURS...why bother? You create animosity over something as trivial as what they did with their Sunday.

How would Abraham feel about how his kids are acting?

Doesn't really matter. People aren't interested in working together. Fuck getting along. Let's keep this segregated thinking going. If you were born in a Muslim nation...distrust all other religions. I can see how that has helped over the centuries. Christians/Jews...continue your fear campaign against Muslims...that's really kept the entire world safe! Atheists/Agnostics...don't ever let an opportunity to denounce organized religion. This is what we were created to do...FIGHT!!! This is what Christians believe Jesus rose again for! wait...

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Brain Dump Volume 4

Politicians can face the camera...they're scared of the nation

This is the real "Face the Nation" program. Except nobody will be pretending to be irate. I won't have on a suit. There will be no "hot topics". I'm a political thug.

I'm hosting this program...the sweater vest says "I mean business"
This is how normal people really discuss politics. No commercial breaks. (but u can cop that stop it B gear by clicking this link) No talking points. (I really have no idea what these blogs will look like until they're done) Just honest talk. The problem with government is simple...nobody likes to be told what to do.(I'm talking about the basic idea of government. The problem with our government is that people are bought) Ok...that's too general. MOST people don't like to be told what to do. That's why we prefer systems of government that make us feel like we're in control. (it's like real feel like you own it...but u can't REALLY do whatever you want with it...and you better pay those taxes) Consider the United States. We believe our government to be "of the people, by the people, and for the people". Well...yeah it's "of"...kinda. I mean, the people are citizens (except Obama apparently...Dumas). But are they truly "of" the people? How many Lawyers are in government by percentage? And what percentage of the general population are lawyers? "Well many lawyers study political science which makes them better suited to..." stfu. Many Republicans love Reagan...what law school did he graduate from? Dude made movies with monkeys, and, love him or hate him he was one of the most effective Presidents in the last 40 years., it's not exactly "of" the's "of" the lawyers. Is it "by" the people? Yes...if by the people means people who lived 250 years ago when our society was based on land ownership, slavery, and manifest destiny. Keeping in mind that the constitution was written during a time when only white males had rights...and keeping in mind that there are more people in this country who are NOT white males...the answer is clearly, no. It was not written by anyone who looked like me, nor any woman, latino, asian, indian, mormon, muslim, was not written by people who represent the current majority. And "for"? Do I really need to discuss why the government is not "for" people?

Fuck your constitution, B...I'm serious...
So if we don't believe our government is "of, by, and for"...and it isn't...why do we accept it? Because we don't know how to change it. We've been told forever that our way of government is the best. And based on how fast America has grown, that's a solid argument to make. However, as with most things, when something is the best, the competition studies it, makes adjustments and eventually takes over...if the leader remains stagnant. This is my primary argument against the "return to values" call made by some on the right. Not that I don't think people should have values, but if we're not evolving into something that is viable in relation to the rest of the world, we're devolving. Pick. Dammit...digressing again. Anyway, we don't know how to change it. We can feel that it's not working. Common sense tells us we're uncomfortable. Prices are rising faster than wages. Joblessness has increased. There are friction between nearly every individual group in this country. is a melting pot? Nah...more like a potluck at work where everyone is scared to eat what they didn't bring. I mean...Ned in accounting doesn't look like he's got good hygiene...I'm not eating that casserole. So...ignore those who say complaining about capitalism means you're a socialist. If I complain about my job it doesn't mean I want a new means I want things to be better at my current job. Complaining is my way of identifying the problem. Once it's identified, I take steps to improve the situation. If the problem is me, I fix me. If the problem is the way things are done, I approach the appropriate person with an action plan on how to make it better. If the problem is someone else, I tell them the shut the hell up and mind their business. Brain Dump bottom line: the writers of the constitution had as a goal "to form a more perfect union". Since that union has grown, we should be constantly trying to improve on that formation. Fear is for the suckers. Don't be a sucker.

Is this the best and the brightest????
Mitt or Rick? Ron? How did Newt get here...these are all questions people are asking if they are following the Republican primaries. I have no answers. None of the candidates is flawless. It boils down to what YOU make a priority. Mitt is stable and in the middle. Although he occasionally panders to the conservative right....Stop it B. We know he's not a conservative. His voting record is closer to Obama's than anyone else's. Voting for him as a right wing conservative is like saying "Obama isn't that bad, I just prefer Mormon's over Muslims"...not that there's anything wrong with that. Rick...conservative...definitely. But he will polarize during the general election. His views on racial profiling, abortion, gay marriage, etc. will win him votes among the conservatives, but what about the independents (you know...the people who actually decide most elections...)? Ron Paul may be the most sincere candidate we've had in years. There is almost no need to ask him a question. You know what his answer will be..political correctness be damned! But...many people OFF the internet think he's batshit crazy. As an aside...ANYone who desires the pressure of the presidency is batshit crazy to me so Dr. Paul is just like them. Dammit...digression is my weakness. Anyway, since nobody can explain Newt's existence (or the fact that he attracts and cheats on women while looking like a mini version of Jabba the Hut) I won't even discuss him...further. Brain Dump bottom line: depending on who you listen to, either Obama is in big trouble, or the Republicans have no chance. Listen to for what YOU believe in. Parties are for people who didn't have enough friends as children.

I don't feel like blogging anymore today. So I won't. Buy your tickets to my March 30 show in Va....or lose your right to vote. Buy tickets for Bodacious and Felonious Munk at Ella Fitzgerald Theater

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Brain Dump Vol 3

Trayvon Martin's killer is still free. Action for Trayvon Video ... As time goes on and more information comes out, this case sucks increasingly. After listening to the 911 tapes that were released, it's obvious that someone was screaming, and that the screaming immediately stopped after the shots were fired. Look...I wasn't there. But the response given by the authorities just doesn't match the information that's coming out. The idea that the "stand your ground law" even applies is sketchy at best. Click here to read about the "stand your ground law" Check out Conditions of Use and if you think justice needs to be served, call (321) 480-1163 and ask the state attorney why no charges have been filed. Brain Dump bottom line: a killer walks free. a child is dead. Happy St. Patrick's Day
"They really have bumper stickers that say don't Re-Nig? I'm half white!"

Speaking of...St. Patrick's Day is a unique religious experience. It is a Catholic holiday celebrating the life of the pre-eminent Irish patron Saint Patrick. For those participating in Lent it lifts the prohibitions on certain foods and alcohol. Like in most cases, when you've been denied something and then the restriction is overdose. So of course "errbody in the club gettin tipsy" tonight. Green beer and the subsequent green vomit is a staple of the holiday. Get in touch with your Irish heritage...and remember, the Brits don't really care about race, they colonized the Irish first. Brain Dump bottom line: this is the only holiday that encourages alcoholism...go Ireland!

She didn't do her kegels
Changing direction with no transitional material (thank you George Carlin for telling me it was ok)...let's talk about prostitutes. Not the ones who KNOW they are prostitutes, but the pseudo-independent women who attach a value to their vajayjay as a way of asserting their sexual independence. Let's talk about some definitions, shall we? (the question is rhetorical...of course we's MY blog...duh) The practice or occupation of engaging in sex with someone for payment is known as prostitution. Let's look at some statements from some "independent thinking" women in 2012. "No romance without finance"...loosely translated does that not mean "no sex without payment"? How about "if your phone is cut off, you must have terrible pussy"...does that mean if your phone bill is due and you don't have the money, you should give someone some pussy and they should pay your phone bill? Look, I know times have changed. Do whatever you want to with your sex life. Just don't get mad at me for using the actual definition of the word "prostitute" when I see the behavior. Suggesting that anyone give you anything in exchange for sex is prostitution. It's illegal. You criminals. And fellas "it ain't tricking if you got it" is some more bollocks (british cuss words...respect my g..entleman). Tricking is spending money on a woman with the intention of receiving some form of sexual favor in return. If you got it...and you spend it with the intention of getting're a trick...a john...a customer. These aren't my definitions, these are the dictionary definitions. Well, not of trick...that's slang, but I digress. The issue isn't really whether or not you're a prostitute or a trick. The issue is, we don't really value relationships the way we used to. Men meet women with the intention of NOT settling down. Women meet men knowing that men have little intention of settling down, so they have decided to get something in return for their time/sex other than...wasted time and subpar sex. Women with high self esteem have taken control of this fruitless ritual and are the aformentioned "independents". Men who swear they want nothing to do with these women (which reeks of latent homosexuality by the way...not that there's anything wrong with that) go out of their way to flaunt their material possessions in order to attract the attention of these independent women. This train has no destination. Brain Dump bottom line: don't play that game if you don't want to lose...and everybody loses when you play that game. Get it?

Humble yourself! Ok...everyone will disagree with this paragraph. I will write it anyway. By definition, humble is NOT a positive word. Don't take my word for it....look it up. It means to lower yourself. Not proud or arrogant (seems positive until...)...low in rank/importance/status/quality. Now...although boastful and arrogant people are annoying, most people agree that you should take pride in a job well done. If you worked hard at something and reaped the benefits of that hard work, there is no shame in that. But humble suggests that you actively downplay your success. Let's talk about happiness for just a second. Happiness comes from within (again...this is not a special munk secret...most people agree). So if happiness comes from within, you have to think highly of yourself to be happy, no? Being humble would seem to be counter to your happiness. Our nature when we do something well is to feel good about it. We're taught to cover that feeling with the cloak of humility. Why? So we don't offend those who haven't achieved. So humility isn't to make US's to make the people who are less successful happy. Oh. To those offended by the success of others, sod off (more brit cussing...i'm nice with it, b). I'm not responsible for your happiness. If seeing me win bothers you, I suggest you stop watching. Brain Dump bottom line: Humble deeeeeeeeeeeeez....

Come see me and Bo Dacious on March 30th or Leprechauns will kidnap your dog and humiliate you. Click Here for tickets

Friday, March 16, 2012

Action for Trayvon Martin

Brain Dump Volume 2

Ok...i thought this would be a once a week thing. My brain doesn't give a damn what I think. I know...I used brain and think in the same sentence in a confusing way. So? Anyway, I realized that the purpose of a brain dump was to clear your mind of backed up thoughts. Apparently my brain gets full without a schedule. So...much less than a week is volume 2

Context: I'm listening to Jay Electronica's Victory Mixtape while penning this blog. It's so good that it's caused people to become disenchanted with Erykah Badu's baby daddy. Pretty much people are mad because you haven't provided us with new music. Mad selfish son. Brain Dump bottom line: Download that Action Bronson "Blue Chips" mixtape. Don't depend on one artist for good music.

This next topic was brought to light by the following tweet:

Before you go off...

Now...because I'm a firm believer in reading the entire thread before commenting, I read it. Nothing in that thread was out of order to me. Some people reading this will say "but it said they think women are their equals". True...but a further investigation of the thread will show that she didn't mean women are due the same rights as men. She meant equal as in same. "then she should have said that"...whatever. We can spend 10 minutes debating her word choice or you can move on with your life. If I understand what you're saying then why do I care how you say it? Point is...even if SHE feels like that...that's her. But she doesn't. So let's investigate the "equal vs same" issue a little further. (feel free to call Gloria Steinem right now and complain) Part of the issue with Equal rights movements is trying to define "equal". The word "same" is indeed used in more than one of the definitions of equal (yes there are multiple definitions to words, if this is news to you...your kids are at a disadvantage). But for the sake of this blog allow me to define it so you know what I'M talking about. Let's use equal to mean valued the same. For example, I can either buy a new SUV or a new coupe for 35,000. The price (value) is equal. However, they are not the same. I can't use both to carry 7 passengers comfortably. I can't drop the top on both. (well not without a lot of augmentation...see where I'm going with this). Instead of getting pissed off at those who think differently than we do, BE equal. If you're an independent woman and you feel like you and your partner should share everything equally...bills, household chores, disciplining of children, etc...make sure you find a partner who shares those beliefs and values. If you are a woman who feels like having a man handle the finances while you handle the household responsibilities works...find you a partner who shares those beliefs and values. Neither of you are helping your cause by telling the other how screwed up her thinking is. Men are the same...some men want an independent partner and some want the stay at home mom type. A preference is a preference. Brain Dump bottom line: stop trying to force other people to respect you while you're simultaneously not respecting them. It reeks of hypocrisy...and Old Spice body spray.

I've decided to trade in my normal cuss words for British cuss words. Most people who have a problem with my language are from the states. But most people from the states have no problem with words like wanker, bollocks, balderdash, etc...(which gives credence to my argument that words themselves are not's how you take them). Anyway, because people would rather listen to hogwash delivered with flowers than something beneficial and profane, I'll use a vulcan mind trick by taking my profanity cues from my mates across the pond. Brain Dump bottom line: If you don't like my language you can sod off you bloody wanker.

Soulja boy wrote a song to aid the Stop Kony efforts. I didn't care.

starting his Munk beard
Contrast that with the story of George Clooney, his father, Martin Luther King III, and many others (including Rep. Jim Moran (D-Va) being arrested in the Sudan for protesting the blocking of of food and aid as well as the poor treatment of the people in general. I will applaud their effort and simultaneously wish someone of that stature would speak up for Trayvon Martin. Seriously, I have no problem with that type of activism. Perhaps I should find a celebrity with that type of clout and persistently ask them to get involved. I can't tell people how to prioritize though. Brain Dump bottom line: There are issues all over the world. Instead of complaining about who is doing it wrong, let's spend that time on the issues WE feel are important to us.

Only 2 weeks left until the March 30th show in VA. We did a commercial ---->

ok...brain is dumped.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Brain Dump Volume 1

I don't get to do the Stop it B videos as often as I used to. It has caused me to become something like a serial tweeter. In order to relieve myself (and your timelines) of this burden, I'll be doing a weekly brain dump in this blog. Do not expect further explanation because I'm not really good at repeating myself. I'm not gifted with the ability to say the same thing multiple times. Point is, I hate redundancy.

For those of you who caught the irony there, you will enjoy this blog. For those who didn't, your parents are disappointed. Trust me.

I'm Serious Bruh
As the week goes on I usually find multiple issues that either i find amusing, irritating, dope...or just worthy of a rant. Most days those thoughts end up on twitter (or facebook when you twitter people are being massive feminine hygiene products). From now on those thoughts will not spew forth in 140 character bursts. In fact, the first part of this brain dump will be dedicated to online strangers taking liberties with my mentions. For non twitter users, let me give you some insight. Unlike Facebook (or Myspace for those of you who still drive cars with lap belts) you don't have to "accept" someone for them to "follow" you. Anyone can follow you and the beauty is you are not obligated to follow them back. Unfortunately, they can also comment on anything you say or "mention" regardless of your interest in their opinion. Another unique feature of twitter is the "RT" or retweet which allows people to share your tweet(s) with the people who follow them but not you. Cool idea right? Well...for people like me who occasionally tweet complete thoughts that require more than 140 characters...not always. if i send 10 tweets about one subject and only 1 is RT'd you don't really get the complete understanding. This often leads to some wiseguy (not the mafia kind...the dumbass kind) jumping in my mentions explaining how much of an idiot I am. First let me make a blanket statement to those of you who respond to tweets without looking at my timeline to find context....fuck you. (too harsh? so). Now, the other side of this is...when did we start giving a portion of a fuck about what strangers think? The idea of Twitter is hilarious. "Let's follow a bunch of people we will probably never meet from all over the country and argue with them about their opinions". Now...that's not everyone's Twitter experience...but...yeah. Personally, I tweet whatever I feel like tweeting. I don't actually care about the responses. If i feel like responding i will. if i don't...i won't (kind of like how i feel about capitalizing the letter "i"). Brain Dump bottom line: If it's online it stays online. If you find yourself getting emotional about tweets you need some form of hobby that doesn't include spell cards and cloaks of invisibility. 

You probably haven't even done your taxes
Speaking of games...March Madness is here. You know, that time of year when everyone fills out a bracket even though they know damn well they've only seen maybe 3% of the games played by the teams in the tournament. Think about it...68 teams avg 32 games BEFORE the tourney. That's almost 2200 games. Just to watch 10% of those games would mean you saw 220 basketball games this season.... .... .... In other words, you're all guessing. But it's fun so...whatever. Brain Dump bottom line: Kentucky wins.

I already wrote about Kony.

Oh...I'm performing on March 30th with my mentor and fellow asshole Bo Dacious at the Downing-Gross Cultural Arts Center in Newport News Va. Tickets are available online at or you can call (757)247-8969. If you're in the area you should come. If you're not in the area the DVD will be $10. Brain Dump bottom line: if you don't come to the show NOR do you get the DVD, I hope you take a laxative and it kicks in while you're stuck in rush hour traffic in a pair of white shorts. Bitch.

Speaking of bitches (too lazy to work for the segue...sue me) Trayvon Martin's murderer is still walking around like it's ok. I decided not to include the killer's name in this blog because I don't care about making him famous. Casey Anthony didn't go to justice because of her fame. Neither did Kony. The focus should be on this 17 year old child who was murdered in cold blood. The focus should be on a police department that accepted "self-defense" as justifiable even though the kid was armed with a bag of skittles and an Arizona tea. Oh...his killer shot him. With a gun. Make THAT shit go viral. Brain Dump bottom line: a kid is dead and the killer is known. Fix that.

RIP Julius Caesar 

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

What is your issue?

Stop Kony!...? I'm sure you've seen the campaign....(insert screeching tire sounds)....yeah...i'm not going to address it. There are several blogs, articles, etc. available about the issue. Address how YOU see fit.

Dude DOES look like he's not a nice person
But the viral video phenomenon does bring to light a few points. many of us had heard of the Invisible Children organization prior to March 7th? How many had heard of Kony? That's powerful...that in just 24 THAT many people were made aware...of ANYthing. What's next? Well...for a lot of people, nothing. A couple Retweets on twitter, a couple shares on Facebook, a sad face...thataboutit.

This isn't a piece to bash those who do little..or even those who do nothing. Just some observations. Apparently Kony has been working since 1986 to make that region miserable. In this country we don't generally pay attention to foreign issues unless it DIRECTLY affects our daily lives. Now here's where the questions come in...what does it MEAN to be impacted? Does it have to cost you money? Does someone close to you have to die? Maybe you know somebody that knows somebody that knows somebody from Uganda or the Congo...or maybe you just feel badly for the people. But...what if you don't? What if you feel no connection to the situation at all...are you now a horrible person?

Stop it B. People are going through whatever they are going through. Struggling to pay bills. Raising kids. Problems at work. A sick parent. Problems in their relationships. Don't these things require their attention? This indignant bullshit "if you had a heart you'd get involved"...nah. If you do what YOU can do you won't have time to worry about what the hell i'm doing. We make light of the so-called 1st world problems, but...a problem is a problem. if you have 99 problems, whether or not a bitch is one is have 99 problems!

Do you need to be validated to do what's right? If you want to buy a bracelet and send money to it. If you want to do more research before you make a it. If you don't want to do a damn thing but smoke on the cheebiest of it*. But just like you don't want the government in your private affairs...stay the entire fuck out of mine. You sensitive as hell to the needs of others but can't respect my space? Man...get yo new age Stokely Carmichael ass out of my face and go march on Washington. Oh...yeah #StopKony ...and #StopAllTheBullshitGovernmentsThatPropUpThesePieceOfShitWarlordsThenActAppalledLater
The REAL Stokely...

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The Author...NOT under the influence

*This author does not promote the use of marijuana
*This author does not condemn the use of marijuana
*This author really does care about the use of marijuana


Monday, February 20, 2012

No More Lin Phrases, Contraception over Debt, and other stuff I feel writing.

Jeremy Lin dropping 38 in a win over LA
I will save you from having to read a list of things beginning with the "In" sound where the "in" is replaced with "Lin". In lest than 2 weeks people have managed to wear that slam out. It's a great story though. It's not just that he came from Harvard. Or that he's of Asian descent. Dude was not drafted. He was cut. He played in the D-league. He was a bum. Then he averaged 22 pts and 10 assists per game. (I'm going to ignore the 7 turnovers a game like every other analysts does because it ruins the story...but i reserve the right to remind you that i said it when they lose).'s a great story. Living in New York, he's definitely part of the daily conversation. When it all dies down though...The Knicks are currently at .500. Not Lintimidating at all. (you knew I was going to throw one out)

There are some holes in your logic
Moving...on! The past few weeks have seen an increase in the discussion about "contraception". First with the bill requiring companies to provide contraception that got America's Catholics up in arms (more on that later)....then with presidential hopeful Rick Santorum seeming to waffle on the issue. The Catholic Church is opposed...wait...let me rephrase...the BISHOPS oppose. More than half (59%) of women Catholics (57% Catholics in general) support the bill according to polls. The discussion itself leans heavily toward paternalism and patriarchy. A group predominantly of men telling women what they can and can't do with their bodies assumes that the poor, emotional, morally deprived women don't know what they're doing. That job should be left to the government and the church. If God doesn't know....then definitely our elected officials are the best people to make that decision right? (if you could see how far to the side my eyes are going, you would be amazed at my ocular dexterity)...Look, the government can't balance a budget and the church can't keep their priests from violating children. It's ok for them to step down off their moral high horse for a second and listen to the people. But...nope. THIS is the important issue of the day. Not the economy. Not the troops in Afghanistan. Not Iran's possible nuclear capabilities. Let's talk about whether or not people should be able to have sex if they're poor. Let's complain about the number of people on welfare and other government aid who just keep popping out babies. Now...let's take away their ability to choose contraception over abortion. Let's complain...but not fix. Because the REAL problem is that they are even having sex at all. (insert ocular dexterity). guys...stfu and create some jobs. If people had jobs they could buy their own condoms. Nah...that makes sense. Let's just call it all sin and rebuke them in the name of politics!

Stop it B faces! may notice me taking some time off from social networks. Nothing wrong with socializing... but a brother got shit to do. I got a chance to go back to VA last week to visit my daughter and had a great time. Now, it's time to get back to working on her future. You WILL be seeing me blogging more actively, and getting my Stop It B videos back out. Also...don't forget to tune in to PIX 11 to see me on the 5 oclock news. In the meantime, enjoy your life. You never know when your time is coming. RIP Whitney...and RIP Curtis Scooby Senior (Nashville gets love too). I'm out.

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Thursday, February 16, 2012

Stop It B Forever!!!!

Most of you are familiar with my web series "Stop it B". If not, shame on you!!!! For the last two months I've done most of my video work for WPIX in New York (channel 11 on the 5 o'clock should watch it). This has led to some confusion about what is going on with Stop It B. Nothing! It's still going on. But, let me give you some inside information on how we do the series.

First of all, I've never filmed nor edited any of the videos. That has always been handled by Sam Rogers (@samuelrogers on twitter, he's a bitch, but a great director). In the past couple of months, he's done videos for Pusha-T of the Clipse and other Re-up Gang members, as well as doing photo shoots for top NY designers like Randi Rahm. ( that's me at her fashion week kickoff) So, as much as we would both like to get back in the studio and put some work up, we have to work around schedules. This is in no way a complaint. I get paid to do what I had been doing for free. I get paid to do what I love doing. And no, I have no desire to shoot my own. There is a certain level of quality that he adds to the vids and I respect that too much to do it myself. (Also...i got other shit to do that pays the bills. Want me to spend the same amount of time on that? help me pay for it...oh...thought so lol)

Second, in addition to a few appearances on Imus and CNN, I've been shooting segments for WPIX. I've done a podcast with called "the Glory Hole" (you can find it here ). I've also done about 10 comedy shows between NYC and Boston. And I still like to eat and sleep. So...bare with me...I haven't been able to get my schedule and Sam's schedule to line up so we could shoot. (mostly because he sucks). Again, this is definitely not a complaint. In fact, I have NO complaints. In a world where people want everyone to be politically correct, nobody has asked me to change my material. Yeah, I don't use the hard profanity on the news, but that was a choice. The "bleeps" suck and take away from the material....fuck it.

With that said...I'm a comic. I have always seen standup as my first priority. If you've never seen me's NOTHING like the videos. Stop it B is an offshoot of my comedy (a lot of my material comes from those videos). There has never been a script for those videos...just my thoughts. And no, I'm not mad. Never been mad in one video. (if you think i've been mad on cue 45 times...i'm a way better actor than I thought). I stopped commenting on my own vids a long time ago. There's no point. People will take the videos (and me) however, they want to. The proof was in the "pay your bills on time video". There was no racial overtone to the video initially. the video was released at the end of July. On August 12th Glenn Beck played it on his show. Immediately after that, I became a sellout to Black people. Not because of anything that was said in the video...but because Glenn Beck played it. Interestingly enough, many of Glenn Beck's supporters went back and saw some of my previous work and really didn't agree with most of what I said. one video I was able to piss everyone off at once. FTW!!!! Just remember...I never did a video to cater to anyone. They were done because my friends always found me "spazzing" about real issues, funny. (in other words...calm yo ass down...we're having fun)

Look, I do the Stop It B videos for fun. It's completely different than getting on stage and doing standup. It's a different kind of funny. It's satire. Poking fun at the absurd. I'm branching out into skits. I do "non-political" humor. I have characters. (Remember Gitmo Cash?) A lot more work is coming. If you like comedy, stay tuned. If you only want to hear the commentary, that won't stop, but don't expect that on every video. I appreciate all of the support (some of you even sent me money via really, THANK YOU. some of you were helping pay bills when I needed it). I will be transitioning all of the material to one site which will include the Stop it B gear that's now at (, this blog, the web series (, the articles (too many places to link) and the work for WPIX ( All of this so that we can communicate in ONE place instead of 5 or 6. Anyway...I hope this clears up any confusion. If not, don't ask me directly...cuz I'll probably say something to piss you off. Stop It B

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Sunday, January 22, 2012

Who's the Real Loser?!

Imagine spending your entire life focused on doing one thing. You've done that one thing so well that you are among an elite group of people who get to do that one thing for money. And the amount of money you receive for doing that one thing is far greater than what the average person makes. You are financially well off AND relatively famous. This is the life of an NFL football player.

I'm on record as saying "wtf is so special about a celebrity?" and I won't change course now. I don't feel sorry for Billy Cundiff for missing the potential game winning kick, nor for Kyle Williams after he fumbled away his teams chances at going to the Super Bowl. I'm sure it's disappointing. I bet it's depressing. But it's still a fucking game.

I saw people online threatening the players AND their families...over a game.
 Ok. Sports is about passion. People love the teams they root for. But you DO realize that fan is short for fanatic. When you hear the term religious fanatic, it's has a negative connotation. You would think that if you WERE going to be fanatic about something...God would be the right thing. But we hate religious fanatics. You know why? Because ANY type of fanaticism is overboard! Fanaticism leads to hate, violence, poor decision making (especially when deciding to wear those ugly ass leather coats with the dates for all of your favorite teams Super look like a fucking clown), and overall weird behavior. Have you ever seen 2 people argue over something so irrelevant as "what team sucks the most"?

As a passtime, sports offer some value. Watch the game. Invite your friends over. Enjoy the drama of a tight game. Then turn the TV off and go on with your life. If you can be that passionate about football and don't know the difference between NDAA and NWA, change your entire life. Are you REALLY ok with not giving a damn about who controls your life? You're fine with being a pawn...a de facto slave? that case, this blog is definitely not for you. If you believe that somehow you've shown your true loyalty to your team by being an online tough guy, I hope you don't procreate. You have very little of value to offer a child. Think. That's all I ever ask. Think. And the next time you have a bad day at work...I hope millions of people are watching and threaten your life. Douchebag.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Resolutions Require Resolve

Last year is over. Whatever that means. Symbolically the new year brings new beginnings and in the case of apocalypse theories. But, how different are you right now than you were on December 31st? Did the magic of the ball dropping transform you into the person you thought you were all along? Did your credit rating improve? Did you get a raise? Your spouse more desirable? Hell...are YOU more desirable?

Chances're the same person (good or bad) that you were last year . Your resolutions, if you made any, won't be any easier to achieve just because the calendar shows a different year (unless your resolution was to correctly write/type 2012 instead of 2011). What resolutions require are not dates...they need resolve. You have to be capable of the change. You want to lose weight? If you wanted to get healthy 6 months ago, what's different now? Is exercise easier in 2012? Are you less hungry? have to want it. (Side note...never write about healthy eating habits in a food court...self-fulfilling prophecy b)

This time of year is a reminder that everything you want to do (within reason) is possible. I say within reason because I don't want to be held responsible when some moron on meth decides that the Matrix wasn't just a movie and tries to jump off a building and fly like Neo. (RIP to that guy). It's also a reminder that the only obstacle to your success is your mind. Unless you have a medical condition, your weight is controlled by your eating, and exercise habits (and in some part genetics). Living within your means financially doesn't require more money, it requires more discipline. Here's where you find out who you are...are you the person who makes poor decisions and then concludes that the cards are stacked against you? Are you the person who stares in the mirror and accepts responsibility for their own flaws/faults? A little of both? It's less important to know what's going on in the world, than it is to know what's going on in YOU. Do you know everything that's happening with multiple celebrities, but can't figure out why you are short on funds a week before your check comes every month? (if you stop spending money on gossip mags...I'm just saying). Do you know how many diets Oprah has been on, while your treadmill collects dust in the corner? (Miss Celie is rich enough to be as big as she chooses to she still with Stedman?)

I made no resolutions...well not for the new year. I resolve everyday to be better than I was yesterday. I guess that means I fail more than most. But I also succeed more than most. Resolutions are supposed to help you improve your life. Why should that only occur once per year?